Sex and Song: Paula Abdul, “Opposites Attract”
You don’t need to be a musician to appreciate the connection between sex and music. Still, we thought it would be fun to hear what they have to say about it. In our “Sex and Song” series, curated by drummer and producer Katy Otto, musicians share a song about sex, love, or both, and what it means to them.
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i was 9 years old when i first saw this video.
i would daydream about being mc skat kat… walking around the neighborhood dancing on trashcans and caressing paula’s torso with my long, voluptuous tail. i wanted to know the comfort of being in a bestial toon relationship where paula and i were united by our differences…
she ~ a beautiful popstar megahuman who is clean and likes to make the bed.
me ~ an anthropomorphous cat cartoon in sunglasses and suspenders who smokes and steals the covers.
together we would defy all odds with our unlikely friendship and family-accepted innuendo.
my parents hated mtv, but i remember asking my mom if i could watch “just this video…” and her saying “yes.” with that yes, my mother implicitly agreed to the sex that was being sold to me via paula and skat kat—sex that promoted fun and intimate communication between two very different individuals. later in life i took a job making masks for a furry costume company. at one point i took a trip with my boss to a weekend-long furry convention in atlanta, ga, where we presented our wares. it was expected that each attendee of this convention have a moniker that reflected their animal alter ego. the name i chose was pork rinds—an obvious statement about my overall standing in this convention, saying “hey, i’m here for work—not to express some deep-seated need to have a cute hybrid animal character for you to connect with sexually or otherwise.”
now, when i think about it, i can see how it could be useful for many of us to find outside inspiration when trying to communicate those base needs that can get caught up in our repressed upbringings… where talking about sex is deemed taboo and uncomfortable, and therefore ignored, certain damaging hang-ups and neuroses can result.
i guess that’s who mc skat kat was and continues to be for me… an inspiration. he has helped me to see how openly expressing myself can be beneficial in my quest for reciprocated love.
so here goes…
~ dear paula abdul,
i’m 32 years old. i don’t like cinnamon candy, lace or miss piggy. i know you are a good bit older than i, and that you are a high-profile celebrity… but if you don’t discriminate against any flavor of hard candy, have a thing for risky garments, and like all of the muppets—maybe we are two magnets whose opposites attract.
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Nathaniel Rappole is a South Eastern coastal seabird who lives in Philadelphia. Listen to his music on gullface.com.
We are sex-obsessed. We are obsessed with wanting it in all its flavors, deny that we want it, and then hide it when we get it the way we want it. It takes a lot of guts to be a normal real person in the real world living a fully integrated life, i.e., embracing your sexuality.
For all your spiciest (sweetest, steamiest…you get the idea) oversharing needs. Log it!
Bedsider in the Wild: UMD Kinklings Edition
In September, Bedsider launched its first-ever student-run programs at University of Maryland, University of South Carolina, American University, and Howard University. The Bedsider Campus Ambassador program takes birth control to college students in their natural habitat—the wild world of campus. You will spot Bedsider hosting trivia nights, showing fun movies, and dropping some birth control knowledge in the quad. And because this internet thing is here to stay, you can connect with all the campus programs on Facebook. Our first “In the Wild” post comes from our campus ambassadors at UMD.
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At 5pm on Saturday October 13th, 2012, the University of Maryland’s Bedsider Ambassadors held their first event on the UMD Campus as a part of the Bedsider in the wild campaign, aimed at bringing birth control to college students and other young adults “in their natural habitat.” The UMD event was held specifically for two student groups on campus: the Satanic Mechanics, a Rocky Horror Picture Show cast, and the College Park Kinklings, a group of kinky students which isn’t officially affiliated with the University.
Things started out pretty casual—hanging out in the campus radio station getting to know each other, putting questions in the anonymous question box, and chowing down on some homemade penis cookies. FUN FACT! No one approached the penis cookie balls first (good idea for a study there).
Getting down to business, we went through a Bedsider walk–through, which was slightly edited due to technical difficulties. But hey! That’s what sparkling personalities are for. And if birth control wasn’t titillating enough, we also had 2 representatives from the College Park Kinklings talk about the ins-and-outs of kinky relationships, from being proud of your personal kinks and communicating with partners to sex-toy safety and the importance of having a safe word. One of our goals for the evening was to bring kink out of the shadows and into open conversation. Kinda like what Bedsider is trying to do for birth control. Safe in body, mind, and communication—a winning combination!
So a pad of paper, a banana, and an unlubricated condom walk into a bar—what do you get? A sexy kinky game show, that’s what! We started out with a bang: “What is the Lotus sex position? 2 points for drawing or describing it….3 points for acting it out! (Clothes on, of course.)” Only one team was outgoing enough to take a go at acting it out, and they just so happened to be a pair of 6 foot 5 inch tall burly men. From there we moved on to sex and kink trivia, sex pictionary, condom balloon animals, and, for the grand finale, a condom relay (hence the banana). But this wasn’t just some run-of-the-mill condom relay—oh no, this was a hands free condom relay! I’ll let your imaginations take it from there.
In the end, the rules were fake and the points didn’t matter and everyone got a fun and functional prize-bag filled with Bedsider cups, chap-stick, condoms, candy, and more information about where to go to to learn more about birth control and sexual health. And what better place to start than Bedsider.org/UMD?
Bring hand sanitizer: What it’s really like inside a sex club
According to the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, as many as 4 million Americans participate in some form of group sex or couple swapping. If you’re not among those 4 million, live vicariously through some favorite firsthand accounts we collected for last week’s Frisky Friday.
Fetish Friday: Oculolinctus
You: Is there something in my eye?
Someone into Oculolinctus: Let me get it!
Then they lick your eye. Lick! Your! Eye!
Why? Because people into Oculolinctus get sexually aroused licking their lovers’ eyeballs (or having their own eyeballs licked). This fetish is also known as worming. Supposedly more women are into it than men. If you’re into it, please practice safe eye licking: Herpes can be transmitted to the eyes.
“Tasty (Chocolate) Eyeballs” image by Sifter.
On Kink and Communication: 3 Tips From a Dominatrix
Late to the party, I recently completed the “50 Shades of Gray” Trilogy. And let’s just say I wasn’t scandalized. Then again, erotica is nothing new to me. In high school I read every Zane book there was and over the last year I’ve listened to all of Dan Savage’s sex advice podcasts. So no, not many things shock me when it comes to what goes on in bedrooms around the world. Trying to make sense of all the excitement about the “50 Shades” books in light of my own reaction to them led me to the question in this month’s Bedsider vlog: How “normal” is BDSM?
One of my interviewees for the vlog, Lady Zombie, is a professional Dominatrix. She had lots to share about BDSM, of course, but I couldn’t help thinking that a lot of her advice is relevant to anyone looking to have a fulfilling, active sex life.
So whether your dream is to bring your favorite erotica novel into reality or just add some sprinkles to your “vanilla” ice cream, here’s 3 universal gems from Lady Zombie:
1. Demand what you want! (Or ask nicely.)
“I think being a dominant…being a Dominatrix really stems from knowing what I want and accepting and appreciating that there are people out there that will give you exactly what you want. If you just know how to tell them.”
Whether that means asking to bring a toy to bed, taking a bubble bath together, or wanting your significant other to dress up like your celebrity crush, you won’t get what you want unless you ask. BONUS: Talking about what turns you on is good practice for talking about how to stay safe STI- and pregnancy-wise—and vice versa!
2. Find someone you’re compatible with sexually.
“My significant other is completely comfortable with everything that I do, what I engage in professionally and socially. And he understands it… It’s something he goes along with, and he does it very well, but he knows it’s for me.
One of the benefits of being able to “demand” what you want in the bedroom is that sooner or later you’ll end up with someone who truly enjoys doing what it takes to please you—maybe even someone who takes pleasure in the same things!
3. Don’t be afraid to experiment (you may be “kinkier” than you think).
“To the average woman who has played with S&M without really understanding that they are involving themselves in kinky activities that are not vanilla to a lot of people… people play and they experiment, and, you know what, it is BDSM—it’s just what we call lite.”
Believe it or not, being “kinky” doesn’t necessarily mean something traumatic happened to you as a child and it doesn’t mean that you have to be down for anything and everything. The important thing is to keep an open mind, because you never know what you might be into and enjoy. (Don’t tell me you’re not a little bit curious about the pleasure balls Christian used on Anastasia…)
Check out Lady Zombie’s lessons in her own words and let me know in the comments what you think of her advice.
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Veralyn Williams is a Multimedia Freelance Journalist currently working in New York City. She has spent 4 years at WNYC Radio working with various departments including: Radio Rookies, Culture, News, and Freakonomincs. Also freelancing for Black Enterprise, BronxNet Television,Bedsider, and The Museum for African Art. Her independent work is featured on her website VeralynMedia.com. Through all of her endeavors she aims to give a voice to perspectives that are often forgotten in the media.
Fetish Friday: Temperature Play
What melts your butter?
If you fool around with Temperature Play, you’re going to find out. Why? Because this is a type of sensual play where heat and cold are used to intensify physical sensations.
Some like it hot. For them, drizzle warmed chocolate, wax, honey, caramel, or oil all over your body (or theirs) to get in the mood.
Others like to chill. For them, grab some ice, whipped cream, or frozen fruit and use it to elicit major goosebumps.
Image source: p-a-r-a-d-i-s-o.tumblr.com via Bedsider on Pinterest
Fetish Friday: Pygophilia
The Pygophiliac’s anthem? “Baby got back.”
Why? Because they like big butts and they cannot lie. Actually, they like any kind of butt. Big ones. Teensy ones. Flat ones. Full-on badonkadonk ones.
Pygophilia is an extreme sexual attraction to the backside—a.k.a. tushie, derriere, booty, buttocks. Can you relate? Well then, dress the object of your desire in a pair of these and smack that a$$.
Fetish Friday: Pictophilia
“All art is erotic.” —Gustav Klimt
Klimt’s famous painting “The Kiss” is considered erotic art, but we’re not sure it would satisfy a Pictophiliac. They may prefer a racier wing at the museum.
Why? Because Pictophilia is a sexual attraction to erotic art that’s typically a bit more x-rated, like Shunga netsuke (carvings of couples copulating); 1st century pornographic pottery from Peru; or any piece from the World Erotic Art Museum.
Curious? Want to see more sexually-charged art? You’re only a click away from a NSFW field trip to the online World Museum of Erotic Art.
