Travelers and Homebodies: Can it Work?
These days, if I’m not on a trip I’m probably planning one. Whether its for work, a family obligation, or to explore a country on my “must-see-before-I-die” list, traveling is constantly on my brain. So of course I’m considering what this means for my love life! And after talking to a few members of the Nomadness Travel Tribe (a traveling group I belong to), I got the memo that “nomads,” a.k.a. frequent travelers, may be more likely to be single. Arrrrr!!
Truth be told, I am not okay with that. And unfortunately the solution is not as simple as dating a fellow nomad. Even within the Nomadness Travel Tribe, their statistics show that the group of over 4,500 members is 80% female. Not very good odds for a woman seeking a man within the tribe.
So does that mean my only option will be to one day slow down and stay put when I meet the next “boo”? According to Davine, one of my recent interviewees, the answer is no:
Do you think there can be compromise in a relationship between a nomad and a non-traveler? Or is that a breakup waiting to happen? Sound off!
*****
Veralyn Williams is a Multimedia Freelance Journalist currently working in New York City. She has spent 4 years at WNYC Radio working with various departments including: Radio Rookies, Culture, News, and Freakonomics. She also freelances for Black Enterprise, BronxNet Television, Bedsider, and The Museum for African Art. Her independent work is featured on her website VeralynMedia.com. Through all of her endeavors she aims to give a voice to perspectives that are often forgotten in the media.
Traveling folk—has wanderlust ever affected your love life?
Do you know everything you need to know about STDs? …Are you sure?
The Fine Art of Condom Negotiation
Why the need for STD Awareness Month? Well, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), nearly 20 million new sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) occur in the United States each year, and half of them happen among young people ages 15–24. It’s scary to think so many young people have not gotten the memo that safer sex is a must.
It should go without saying that a big part of practicing safer sex is using a condom—every time. And yes—in “the heat of the moment” negotiating condom use can be difficult. That’s why in a perfect world that conversation would always happen long before the foreplay starts. But of course we live in the REAL world, where things tend to move quickly. So how can we get our partner on board for using protection? I talked to 3 sexual health educators who offered the following pointers:
#1 take-away here: Make using a condom fun! And as I recently learned during a Harlem United Tea Party (the name of their safe sex presentations), one way to do that is by putting on the condom with your mouth. (If you’ve never seen it done, check out Putting on a condom w/ NO HANDS, starting at 6:21). During our interview, sex educator Tasha Douge explains why this method can be highly effective:
What are your secrets to negotiating condom use? Share them in the comments below!
*****
Veralyn Williams is a Multimedia Freelance Journalist currently working in New York City. She has spent 4 years at WNYC Radio working with various departments including: Radio Rookies, Culture, News, and Freakonomics. She also freelances for Black Enterprise, BronxNet Television, Bedsider, and The Museum for African Art. Her independent work is featured on her website VeralynMedia.com. Through all of her endeavors she aims to give a voice to perspectives that are often forgotten in the media.
4 Steps I’m Taking to Avoid a “Catfish” Situation
As a person who spends most of my life either on my computer or on my phone, I have never hesitated to online date. Sure, I’ve had creeps make me feel gross after they sent an inappropriate sexual “compliment” in a message… but that’s also happened to me on the subway. Just like I take the good with the bad when dating in the real world, I’ve moved on quickly after negative experiences online. But one thing has made me pause a little while longer. It’s an MTV reality show, it’s a popular hashtag on twitter…It’s “catfish.”
The term “catfish” was made popular by a 2010 documentary, (by the same name), and it refers to any time a person lies about who they really are—from their name to where they live to what they look like—in order to forge or maintain a romantic connection (or just to maliciously deceive someone). And as I said in my latest vlog, From Manti Te’o to Catfish: Men & Online Dating, I now know too many of “catfish” horror stories to ignore how often it happens. Still, I have no intention of excluding the internet as a possible place to meet “him.”
Here’s what I’ll be doing to make sure I never meet a catfish:
1. Updating my online profile: As of right now my online dating profile is a great look at who I am, what I like to do for fun, and what I’m looking for in a guy—but I will be adding what I’m NOT looking for too. I was recently telling a guy friend how it’s a huge turn-off when men bring up sex right away, and he asked me if those exact words were in my profile. They weren’t! The conversation made me realize an online profile is basically a living document—meant to change as you have experiences that change you. Also going in: “Loved the movie Catfish, but never want that to happen to me.”
2. Going beyond the profile picture: Too often we are distracted by how FINE someone looks in their profile pictures (pleading the fifth on whether this has ever happened to me), but when you see someone you want to meet, it is so important to read his or her entire profile. Not only does this force you to think about whether this is a person you’d want in your life, but if you like what you read, you can use it for conversation fodder when you’re messaging. Bring up the fact that he said he loves soccer, or that she said she enjoys cooking. Ask follow up questions, and see if the story holds up.
3. Checking out my “friends of friends”: What better way to make sure someone is real than to ask your old classmate, co-worker, or best friend who knows him or her personally? To me this a no-brainer! Meeting someone who knows one of your Facebook friends means you have access to a co-signer (a.k.a. someone who can vouch for him or her).
P.S.—I was recently put on to an app that promises to make dating “friends of friends” more convenient. Check out Hinge (or watch a video about it, just for kicks).
4. Being honest about my needs: I have always believed in meeting up with online dates right away, as in-person chemistry is very important to me. But to be honest, now-a-days I’m suffering from a little dating-fatigue and I’m finding it less of a priority in my busy life. For the first time, I can see how getting to know someone just through messages in the beginning could be very fulfilling. Sometimes all you’re looking for is an ear… someone to talk to. But once I’m ready for romance, at the very least, it’ll be time for a skype date.
What are your tips for avoiding catfish? Have you ever been lied to online? Would love to know how you handled it!
“Honestly a lot of times your gynecologist isn’t gonna say ‘well, do you want to hear about the latest products on the market?’ They’re gonna say ‘well what do you want?’ So you almost have to go in knowing your order, and you never have seen the menu.”
—Charreah Jackson, Relationships Editor for ESSENCE magazine.
We’ve got a menu you can look at—and some tips for ordering.
Love and career, 2012: Looking back, moving forward!
Last year at this time I was contemplating whether I could have both love and a career in 2012 and a year later… I still don’t really know. One thing I will say: by allowing myself to fully let go of the past, I did open myself up to meeting an amazing guy. A guy I did fall hopelessly in love with—for all the things on the checklist I threw away back in 2011.
He’s funny, supportive, God-fearing, loves me too, and being with him actually flipped my I-want-to-be-married-one-day switch to “on.” However, he comes with baggage I never anticipated when imagining my perfect guy—he has kids. And though my career goals can make room for him, I soon realized I am not interested in, nor up for the emotional and (let’s be real) financial commitment that comes with being a stepmom. (…Or any mom for that matter—hence my IUD!)
So here it is, another year, and I’m making the decision to let go and start over. Again. I feel empowered knowing that if I’m open, the universe will provide, but at the same time—if I’m being completely honest—it’s exhausting! So I will be taking things slow for a while. And at least I now know that it’s not just about “love”—falling in love is the easy part. The hard part is committing.
When it comes to my career I LOVE what I do, and I am very committed to all the challenges I will face along my way to being “Oprah.” Now, if I can find a man I’m as committed to, I think that’s when long-lasting-love and a career can co-exist—but only if there is a balance. That’s why for my latest vlog, I spoke to 3 women taking on their own work-life-balance journeys. Here’s how they’re working through things:
How was your 2012? Did you manage to have it all—success, personally and professionally?
*****
Veralyn Williams is a Multimedia Freelance Journalist currently working in New York City. She has spent 4 years at WNYC Radio working with various departments including: Radio Rookies, Culture, News, and Freakonomincs. Also freelancing for Black Enterprise, BronxNet Television,Bedsider, and The Museum for African Art. Her independent work is featured on her website VeralynMedia.com. Through all of her endeavors she aims to give a voice to perspectives that are often forgotten in the media.
Ah, the eternal struggle for balance continues into another year…
Why HIV Stigma Has to End, ASAP
For World Aids Day this past Saturday, I decided to find out if college students today are worried about HIV. After getting mixed responses to that question from the 25 students I spoke to, I followed up by asking them if a partner (or potential partner) had ever disclosed a positive HIV status. Here’s what I heard:
Not one of those 25 students said “yes” when it came to a romantic partner. But considering that approximately 1.2 million people in the U.S. are living with HIV and 1 in 5 of them don’t know their status, it’s possible that some of those partners didn’t actually know for sure. As Michael J. Kaplan of AIDS United puts it in a Huffington Post piece for World AIDS Day, “…until we tackle the pervasive problem of HIV stigma, a problem that prevents many people from getting tested for the virus and many living with HIV from getting into life-saving care, our dream of an AIDS-free generation will remain only that.” As a person who’s grown up hearing about HIV all my life, anecdotally, I believe major part of the problem is that too many people don’t see the face of HIV when they look in the mirror.
It didn’t really hit me until I read The Naked Truth: Young, Beautiful and (HIV) Positive by Marvelyn Brown, a true story about how a straight black girl from Nashville, Tennessee, contracted HIV at 19 years old. It was crazy to me just how many similarities Marvelyn and I had: she had an older boyfriend she loved, with whom she had unprotected sex… The only difference? Her boyfriend had HIV.
I firmly believe that the key to getting more people to find out their status and disclose it to their partners is to let go of the stereotypes of what someone with HIV should look like. Marvelyn is a beautiful, curvy woman who’s enjoying life and doing important work around HIV/AIDS awareness (Check out the photos on her website and see for yourself). If she wasn’t an activist, would you assume she had HIV if you saw her in the street? Probably not.
We all need to face the reality of HIV/AIDS. One way to do that is through Facing AIDS, a national campaign that lets you take action by writing how YOU are facing AIDS today and uploading a picture of yourself with your words to the Facing AIDS website. My personal favorite:
By showing the many faces affected—directly or not—by HIV/AIDS, the campaign aims to reduce stigma and promote HIV testing for World AIDS Day and beyond.
What does facing AIDS look like to you?
*****
Veralyn Williams is a Multimedia Freelance Journalist currently working in New York City. She has spent 4 years at WNYC Radio working with various departments including: Radio Rookies, Culture, News, and Freakonomincs. Also freelancing for Black Enterprise, BronxNet Television,Bedsider, and The Museum for African Art. Her independent work is featured on her website VeralynMedia.com. Through all of her endeavors she aims to give a voice to perspectives that are often forgotten in the media.
World AIDS Day, 2012
We’ve come a long way in the battle against HIV/AIDS—there have been advances in prevention, testing, and treatment. But are we out of the woods? Hardly. Over a million people in the U.S. are living with HIV and 50,000 people become infected every year. Scariest of all? 1 in every 5 people living with HIV doesn’t realize it.
For World AIDS Day 2012, Veralyn looks at what’s changed—and what hasn’t—since the first World AIDS Day took place in 1988.
