The Rough Guide to Bedsider in Mobile-land
I upgraded from the pill to a more effective method a while ago, but I decided not to let that stop me from enjoying Bedsider’s offerings—especially their “cheeky” text message birth control reminders. In case you haven’t had the pleasure of exploring Bedsider’s mobile side, allow me to show (screen-cap-style) and tell you a little about it.
You can set up a birth control or appointment reminder using only your phone.
1) Text ‘MYBC’ to Bedsider’s short code, 42411.
2) Bedsider will text back and ask if you want to set up reminders, find clinics, find EC, or learn about birth control.
3) If you select ‘set up a reminder,’ you’ll get a text asking what kind of reminder you want to set up—birth control or appointment.
If you choose birth control, you’ll get another message asking what method you use (the ring, the pill, the patch, or the shot). If you choose appointment, you’ll be asked to send the date of your appointment.
4) Next you’ll be asked a few questions about what time you want your reminder. If it’s an appointment reminder, you’ll get to decide how long before your appointment you want to be reminded.
5) Enjoy your confirmation text and wait for your reminder(s).
Q: What if I’m away from my birth control when my reminder arrives?
A: If you’re busy or don’t have your birth control handy when you get your reminder, no problem. Just text back ‘snooze’ and Bedsider will text you back in an hour—or you can text ‘snooze _h’ and they’ll wait the number of hours you specify before the ‘h’ to remind you again. So, for example, if you want to be reminded again in 3 hours you should text ‘snooze 3h.’
Q: What if I’m not into the racy messages?
A: If you want to opt out of the “cheeky” messages and sign up for more discreet reminders, you’ll have to go online. When I signed up online for my reminder, I was given the choice between messages with fun, sexy facts or the more subtle reminder without your method or the phrase ‘birth control.’ I opted for the racy ones, but it’s good to know that Bedsider is just as useful on the DL.
Q: What if I prefer e-mail to text?
A: If you’re the e-mail type like me, you can also sign up for e-mail reminders to take your pill, change your patch or ring, get your shot, or go to an appointment. Like the texts, if you sign up online, you can opt for a discreet e-mail instead of the cheeky message.
Bedsider has a birth control information line (and it’s free).
Bedsider wanted to make their birth control info available for folks without an internet connection or a smart phone, so they set up a free, automated phone service. Give it a ring anytime day or night to learn about some of the most common birth control methods in English or Spanish—the number is (888)321-0383. Of course there’s more detail on bedsider.org, but the phone service offerings are easy to understand and pretty comprehensive.
Bedsider can help you find birth control or emergency contraception (EC) via text message.
When you text ‘MYBC’ to 42411, you’ll have the option to find clinics or EC. All you need is your zip code to get nearby clinic locations and contact info texted to your phone.
And there’s more (especially if you have a smart phone).
Q: Can I read Bedsider’s articles on my phone?
A: If you’re not a smart phone user, you can sign up to get a text message with a teaser and link for Frisky Fridays (weekly) or Provider Perspectives (monthly), but will have to go online to read the full articles.
Smart phone users can read Frisky Fridays and Provider Perspectives on their phone. Smart phone users can also see information about all the birth control methods and access Bedsider’s ‘free birth control finder,’ though they too will have to go online to access news articles, Fact or Fiction videos, questions, and other content.
Q: Does Bedsider have any apps?
A: Glad you asked! If you have an iPhone and want to practice your condom skills, download CondomPro for free. It gives you tips for putting on a condom correctly and I’ve also heard it’s a pretty good distraction during a boring class or meeting. If you try it out, write a review on iTunes.
And…a little bird told me that Bedsider will soon be coming out with a sexy new app that allows folks to anonymously log their intimate adventures, be they flirtations or long-term relationships, awkward, boring, or amazing. Keep an eye out!
Q: Okay—now what?
A: Stay in touch with Bedsider and edit your account preferences online by becoming a Bedsider Insider. You can also connect with Bedsider on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Pinterest.
Basically, Bedsider is on the go as much as we are—and since you never know where you’ll be when you need it, that’s definitely a good thing.
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Catherine Rivera is an intern for Bedsider. When she’s not counseling, teaching, researching or writing about sex and relationships, this Stanford University student can be found passing out condoms to her fellow students, mentoring middle school girls, indulging her sweet tooth , reading the news, or attempting to get inside the heads of her four younger brothers. Catherine doesn’t have a personal tumblr (yet), but you can follow her on twitter @cmrivera2013.
Dispatches from a College Sexpert: Dos and Don’ts for Smooth Sexiling
Sex can be hard to talk about even with our closest friends and partners, but the college experience sometimes makes it necessary to discuss it with complete strangers—a.k.a. roommates. There is already a lot to negotiate when you live with someone—especially someone you’ve never met, let alone shared a (small) space with. So here are some dos and don’ts for getting it on in the dorms, respectfully, with yourself or a partner.
Your Roommate(s):
It’s easy to assume that just because you’d be okay with something (say, your roommate’s partner staying the night), your roommate will have the same views—but that’s not always the case. So, instead of the “golden rule,” here’s a better one: “Do unto your roommates as they would have done to them.”
1) DO find out how your roommates feel about sex, love, and masturbation. It can be really useful to know when you approach them with these topics. When you do, try to be straightforward and understanding of differences, but assertive—if any or all these things are a part of your life, you’ll probably want to be able to do them in the space you share.
2) DON’T assume your roommate’s okay with you and your partner sleeping together in your room regularly, or even once in a while. It’s definitely worth a conversation when your partner is not there or about to come over. There has been some controversy over bunk beds and whether it’s okay if you can only hear and not see—might be something else to talk about.
3) DO come up with a signal and use it. It can be anything from a subtle (or not so subtle) text message to a sign on the door. This goes both ways, no matter who needs the room or what they need it for.
4) DO invest in a room/suite/apartment pack of emergency contraception if some or all of you are getting busy. It is a worthwhile investment and can make an “oops” moment a lot less stressful.
Yourself:
So you’re getting down with yourself—good for you. Since there’s (unnecessary) stigma surrounding masturbation (especially for women), here are some tips for being comfortable with it and smart too.
5) DO invest in a high-quality and low-sound toy if you don’t want the entire dorm to know what you’re up to. They also sell water-resistant or waterproof vibrators, if doing it in the shower appeals to you.
6) DON’T forget to clean your toys. If you don’t want to wash it in the sink, hiding it in your shower caddy and washing it off there can work for water-resistant toys.
7) DO figure out when your roommate or roommates aren’t going to be around. You may want to text them as well to let them know that you’re “using” the room (or however else you want to phrase it), so they know you’re not just napping.
Your Partner:
There’s always give and take in relationships and balancing your partner and your roommate (not to mention your partner’s roommate) can be difficult. Here are some tips for keeping it fair and equal.
8) DO talk to your partner about what you’re comfortable doing when roommates are around. It helps to be straightforward because feeling uncomfortable during sex isn’t fun for anyone.
9) DON’T assume that your partner can always “host” you two. Even if his or her roommate is single or “less busy” doesn’t mean it’s not a burden to have an extra roommate (especially if that roommate causes you to leave the room).
10) Do honor your agreement with your roommate by talking to your partner about it and making sure he/she understands that you plan to stick to it.
Bonus Tip:
11) DO try to make it work. Roommates may not be forever, but a year (or more) living with someone who passive-aggressively dislikes you or your relationship won’t be fun for anyone.
That’s it for me! I’ve had a blast working on Bedsider and writing this blog. Thanks for all the love and I wish you all safe and sexy years!
“Under the Bed 1” image by Brian Lane Winfield Moore.
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Catherine Rivera is an intern for Bedsider. When she’s not counseling, teaching, researching or writing about sex and relationships, this Stanford University student can be found passing out condoms to her fellow students, mentoring middle school girls, indulging her sweet tooth , reading the news, or attempting to get inside the heads of her four younger brothers. Catherine doesn’t have a personal tumblr (yet), but you can follow her on twitter @cmrivera2013.
Dispatches from a College Sexpert: 5 Tips for Going the Distance
With freshmen leaving home for campus and students graduating or spending semesters abroad, long-distance relationships (LDRs) are practically a college requirement. And whether you’re in one with someone from back home or someone from school, it can be hard to imagine getting through it in one piece. (I’ve never run a marathon, but I imagine it’s a bit like that.) As someone who has managed to survive a couple college LDRs, I wanted to share some tips I (and a few of my friends) have picked up over the years.
1) DO set ground rules to start—but be flexible enough to make changes along the way. Some things to regularly check in about are your preferred communication method(s), times you’re both free, how often you want to talk, and what constitutes cheating. (Many people have different definitions, especially when apart, so ground rules are always good.)
2) DON’T focus only on the past or the future every time you talk—it can get really old and the relationship, even if you’re apart, should stay in the present.
3) DO talk about what each of you is comfortable doing to keep your sex life going. Communicate about whether you’ll pleasure yourselves independently or with each other’s help via text, phone, chat, videochat, or parcel post. Hint: If you use gchat, you can turn the chat “off the record” in case it gets dirtier than you’d like to remember.
4) DON’T constantly pass up great opportunities (for travel, internships, study, etc) to be with your partner; if it doesn’t work out down the line, this can make the breakup even worse. That being said, if you’re apart for an extended period of time, planning when you’ll see each other and how you’ll keep in touch—and sticking to that plan—is a good idea.
5) DO keep in touch. Sending e-mails or even snail mail to update your partner or remind them how much they mean to you helps them seem less far away. Even if it’s just texting good morning and goodnight, it’s easier to deal with being apart if some patterns stay in place.
And now, the bonus tip you’ve all been waiting for: Don’t let the distance keep you from dating.
Here’s how to set up a long-distance date night in 4 easy steps:
1) Set a time when you’re both free for a few hours to talk and stick to it. Make sure your roommates, friends, and other possible interrupters know you’re busy. Then, get excited—it’s a date night, after all.
2) Watch a movie or clips using YouTube videos through a google + hangout. I recommend putting your partner into his or her own circle so you don’t accidentally invite everyone into your hangout during one-on-one time.
3) If you’re feeling frisky, you can fool around by chat, text, or phone. See tip #3 for more details.
4) Talk about the movie you watched, the great time you just had, or anything you normally would and say goodnight as you would on an in-person date.
If you have tips on making long distance work, let me know. For those of you heading into an LDR, I hope the tips help you make it through. Successful communication during long distance can make the relationship even better post-reunion. More good stuff about LDRs can be found here. Check in next week for tips on smooth sexiling.
“Maraton Madrid II” image by Antonio Martin.
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Catherine Rivera is an intern for Bedsider. When she’s not counseling, teaching, researching or writing about sex and relationships, this Stanford University student can be found passing out condoms to her fellow students, mentoring middle school girls, indulging her sweet tooth , reading the news, or attempting to get inside the heads of her four younger brothers. Catherine doesn’t have a personal tumblr (yet), but you can follow her on twitter @cmrivera2013.
Dispatches from a College Sexpert: Consent is Sexy!
If there’s one thing you need to have before hitting the sheets, it’s consent. It’s the only thing more essential to great sex (or any sex, really) than effective birth control. Consent is the basic notion that you’re receiving pleasure in the way that you want to receive it and giving it in the way your partner wants it. Sounds pretty basic, but there are some crucial details that people don’t always understand. Here are 5 consent rules of thumb that everyone should have in mind when getting it on.
1) Always get consent before doing anything sexual with another person, especially if you’re with a new partner (or trying something new with an old one). Consent means that the person has said “yes” or affirmed the act in other ways—simply not saying “no” doesn’t count. Assault happens when someone doesn’t understand this or doesn’t care that the other person is uncomfortable or not actively seeking a certain sexual act.
2) You can always say no. There’s always room to say no to sex or anything else at any time before or during the act, whether it’s your long-term partner or someone you just met. If you ever feel uncomfortable with something you’re doing, ask your partner to stop or slow down. This includes feeling comfortable with the protection you’re using; you should feel safe in every way.
3) Watch the alcohol. When you’re drunk, you can’t really consent to sex—or other important decisions, for that matter—which means that black-out hookups aren’t the best idea for multiple reasons. Laci Green has a great video blog that gives more details and this infographic explains the risk.
4) Have a network. The White House is doing a campaign called “1 is 2 Many” against sexual assault and violence on campuses and sponsored an Isis-made app to help keep students safe. This campaign includes a video including a lot of politicians and David Beckam in a suit (just saying it’s worth a watch).
5) Get help. If you or a friend is a victim of sexual assault or dating violence (1 in 5 women in college will be the victim of sexual assault or attempted assault), there are lots of resources to contact to get help. If there is a risk of pregnancy, emergency contraception can lower it.
If you’re hooking up this summer, I hope it’s consensual and amazing. And with the new school year approaching, I’ll be focusing in my last two posts on tips for being as sexy and safe as possible on campus.
“Sign: Consent is Sexy” courtesy of Finding Tampa.
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Catherine Rivera is an intern for Bedsider. When she’s not counseling, teaching, researching or writing about sex and relationships, this Stanford University student can be found passing out condoms to her fellow students, mentoring middle school girls, indulging her sweet tooth , reading the news, or attempting to get inside the heads of her four younger brothers. Catherine doesn’t have a personal tumblr (yet), but you can follow her on twitter @cmrivera2013.
Dispatches from a College Sexpert: The Wetter the Better (Olympic Edition)
Summer brings to mind pools, beaches, and watching our favorite athletes go head to head for Olympic medals in massive aquatic facilities. While water (and swoon-worthy athletes) is great, it’s not the only reason why wetter can be better. So, in the Olympic spirit of striving for excellence, here are some tips I give to students about choosing and using lube.
1) Natural lubrication is different in each person and there’s nothing wrong with you—or your partner’s skills—if you need or want a little more lubrication. Also, lots of things—including some hormonal birth control—can make it harder to get sufficiently wet.
2) Lube also helps condoms stay intact during the act (that rhyme was unintentional but awesome IMHO) because it decreases friction, which can cause condoms to tear.
3) NEVER use oil-based lubricants with latex condoms. Oil-based lube can rip holes in latex, causing condoms to break. Oil-based lubes include massage oils, oil-based lubricant, Vaseline, baby oil, and many household items.
4) Always try warming lubes (or any other “Sensation” lubes) on your hand first before you put them anywhere else on your or your partner’s body. If it’s too hot (or cold or tingly) for your hand, it’s too hot for more sensitive parts. NOTE: When you put it on your hand, make sure to blow on it or rub it since many sensation lubes are friction induced.
5) A little goes a long way, so don’t think that you’re getting ripped off by the price of a small bottle. Most drug stores carry a selection of lube, but if you want a big selection (or a bigger bottle), check out your local sex shop. If you’re nervous about heading in, here are some tips.
Wetter sex is better sex—for both partners—so gear up, have fun, and be safe. I’ll be back next week talking about sex and consent.
“Despatie Alexandre and Ross Reuben of Canada” image by Charles McCain.
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Catherine Rivera is an intern for Bedsider. When she’s not counseling, teaching, researching or writing about sex and relationships, this Stanford University student can be found passing out condoms to her fellow students, mentoring middle school girls, indulging her sweet tooth , reading the news, or attempting to get inside the heads of her four younger brothers. Catherine doesn’t have a personal tumblr (yet), but you can follow her on twitter @cmrivera2013.
Dispatches from a College Sexpert: Smart, Sexy, & STI-free?
College students carry a lot of things: books, laptops, wallets, keys, backpacks…STIs (sexually transmitted infections). There are so many STIs that they, like your keys, can be hard to keep track of—even harder since many students don’t realize they have or are at risk for one. So, since we’re less invincible than we think, I’ve written up 8 things college students should know (and probably don’t) about STIs.
1) In the U.S., one in two people has or has had an STI by age 25—and young people make up nearly half of the 19 million new cases of STIs each year.
2) Testing is easy and cheaper for students, so strike while the iron’s hot and get in the habit of getting tested every 6 months. If you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship and you’ve BOTH been tested (and treated if you tested positive), you can bump it up to every year. Note that a Pap smear doesn’t test for STIs, so you should ask your doctor or local clinic directly about getting tested. You can also test for some STIs in your own apartment or dorm room with take-home kits.
3) It’s not just the people with tons of partners who get STIs—they’re easy to catch, there are a lot of them, and there are a lot of places you can get them, including from oral sex. STIs don’t just get in through the mouth and affect you down there; gonorrhea can grow in your throat and make it sore. (Maybe it’s not strep after all.)
4) The vaccine for HPV, which is already showing signs of having an effect on HPV rates, is now recommended for guys as well as girls.
5) Chlamydia and gonorrhea, even if they show no external symptoms, can turn into Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID), which can cause infertility. For the record, this doesn’t mean if you’ve had chlamydia or gonorrhea you don’t need to use birth control—most cases are easily treated and don’t turn into PID.
6) Using spermicide (without a condom) or having an untreated STI can irritate the lining of the vagina and other sensitive skin, making it easier to contract (other) STIs.
7) Most folks born in the U.S. were vaccinated for HBV (Hepatitis B) as babies, but HBV disproportionately affects people from Asian or Pacific Island countries, where vaccination policies may be different and rates of HBV may be high. If you or your parents were born in a country where HBV is common, you may want to get tested for it. HBV is an STI but can also be transmitted through birth and often causes liver cancer later in life.
8) There are some surprisingly common STIs that few people have even heard about, like mycoplasma genitalium or trichomoniasis. Both mycoplasma genitalium and trichomoniasis are curable but tricky to diagnose.
Tons of college student have or have had an STI and the best thing is to be proactive by getting tested every 6 months and using a condom with any type of sex. If you want even more information, check out our 5 Handy Facts for STD Awareness Month and 5 Facts for HIV Awareness Month posts. Good luck staying safe and don’t forget to get your birth control covered too!
“Banging a Pot to Keep in Step” image from Quinn Dombrowski.
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Catherine Rivera is an intern for Bedsider. When she’s not counseling, teaching, researching or writing about sex and relationships, this Stanford University student can be found passing out condoms to her fellow students, mentoring middle school girls, indulging her sweet tooth , reading the news, or attempting to get inside the heads of her four younger brothers. Catherine doesn’t have a personal tumblr (yet), but you can follow her on twitter @cmrivera2013.
Dispatches from a College Sexpert: Be a Birth Control Original
We’ve all said it—“I’ll have what she’s having,” “I’ll get the same as her,” “What she got,” or something along those lines. We may say it at the store, at the movie theater, or at a restaurant, but many of us also take that attitude when we’re getting on birth control.
Of course friends generally give great advice and, if they recommend their birth control method, it’s with our best interest at heart. But is the perfect method for your friend going to be perfect for you? Maybe. But since our bodies and lifestyles are all different, choosing a birth control method solely because someone you know is using it is a mistake. So before you succumb to pill pressure and simply say “I’ll have what she’s having,” here are 10 dos and don’ts to consider when choosing a method.
Your Body and Your Life:
1) DO explore all your options if you’re getting on birth control for the first time or switching methods. There are lots and you can find them all on Bedsider.
2) DON’T think it’s all about biology; also consider how birth control can best fit into your lifestyle. If you can’t remember to do things on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis, the pill, the patch, or even the ring could be hard to remember (although Bedsider does have awesome birth control reminders you can get via text or e-mail to make it easier).
3) DO think about whether or not you can handle something inside you. The most effective methods are the IUD and the implant because they’re put in by a doctor and have basically no risk of user error (you can’t lose them, place them incorrectly, or forgot to take or replace them). But they’re inside you and some women are uncomfortable with that.
Your Friends:
4) DO have honest conversations with your friends about what they like and don’t like about the methods they’ve tried.
5) DON’T assume that your side effects will be the same as your friends’—everyone’s body is different.
6) DO look up real stories on Bedsider about women’s experiences with different methods to get more first-hand perspectives on all the options.
7) DON’T think a method isn’t effective just because that one friend of a friend got pregnant while she was using it. Unfortunately, not everyone uses their method correctly and consistently.
Your Doctor:
8) DO read this article on how to talk to your doctor.
9) DON’T put all your eggs into one basket. Have a list of 3 methods you’re interested in before you go to the doctor’s office or health clinic—Bedsider offers a build-your-own method comparison tool that lets you print information on up to 3 methods to bring to your appointment.
10) DO the math. Call your insurance provider (or look it up on their website) and figure out how much they cover of your top 3 methods and how much it will cost you in a year, 3 years, 5 years, or however long you plan to not have kids. You can also see if you qualify for free birth control here.
“Let it be” gif courtesy of Marina.
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Catherine Rivera is an intern for Bedsider. When she’s not counseling, teaching, researching or writing about sex and relationships, this Stanford University student can be found passing out condoms to her fellow students, mentoring middle school girls, indulging her sweet tooth, reading the news, or attempting to get inside the heads of her four younger brothers. Catherine doesn’t have a personal tumblr (yet), but you can follow her on twitter @cmrivera2013.
5 Facts for HIV Awareness Month
If you were lucky enough to have sex ed in high school, your teacher probably told you that HIV/AIDS is the scariest, deadliest, and craziest sexually transmitted infection (STI) there is—in my health class they pretty much left it at that. Clearly, there’s more to know about HIV than that scare tactic, but since a lot has changed in the last few decades, I’ll give those sex ed teachers the benefit of the doubt.
Today more young people are using condoms and HIV can be treated (though not cured) with powerful drugs—especially if it’s caught early. Yet while HIV may no longer be seen as a death sentence, that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be taken seriously. So, since knowledge is power and July is National HIV Awareness Month, here are 5 things you should know about HIV.
1) It’s not just ‘them’ who are at risk (it’s ‘us’). More young people are at risk for getting HIV than you might think—including young women. In fact, we make up 25% of new cases and we contract it at higher rates than our male partners/friends/lovers when having sexual intercourse (more surface area = more risk). I’m not trying to induce panic, but it’s worth noting that anyone can have or get HIV regardless of what they look like or what demographic they belong to. In other words, protecting yourself is important even if you’re not in the “risk groups” your gym teacher told you about.
2) It’s always worth using condoms. If he’s barebacking (as in not using a condom) with you during a hookup, he’s probably done it with someone else, who’s done it with another person (you see where I’m going with this…). Birth control is the only way to prevent pregnancy (besides not having sex, of course) and condoms prevent both pregnancy and HIV transmission (Condom <3). Here are some tips on talking about condoms if you’re single or in a long-term relationship (I recommend reading both). If you want to practice using a condom, follow these instructions or download CondomPro.
3) Getting tested is easy, often free, and very important for you and your partner. Your local clinic (or student clinic) can test for HIV with an oral swab or a blood test—just make sure to call ahead to see which kind of test they do if you don’t like needles (or like needles and don’t like cotton swabs). There are tons of clinics that will perform free or reduced-cost HIV tests—check out the CDC’s HIV website to find one near you. If you do test positive, there are tons of resources and reliable drugs that help control the illness.
4) Spermicide is good at killing sperm—not HIV. Spermicide (when used without a condom) does not prevent against HIV and may even increase your risk of getting HIV or other STIs since it can irritate the inside of the vagina. If you’re using spermicide without a condom, get yourself and your partner tested to make sure you’re being safe.
5) Other STIs, like herpes or gonorrhea, make it easier to get HIV. Apparently, these STIs make exposed surfaces more prone to infection, including HIV. Oh, and having HIV also makes it easier to get herpes—talk about a dangerous symbiotic relationship. One more reason to get tested—and treated, if necessary—for all STIs, not just HIV.
Bedsider thinks that babies are great when you’re ready. HIV, on the other hand, is never great and the best thing you can do (for yourself and your partners) is to avoid getting it in the first place. That said, ignorance is not bliss when it comes to any STIs—getting tested and knowing your status is the best way to stay healthy, regardless of what the test says.
“1 in 5” infographic from Aids.gov.
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Catherine Rivera is an intern for Bedsider. When she’s not counseling, teaching, researching or writing about sex and relationships, this Stanford University student can be found passing out condoms to her fellow students, mentoring middle school girls, indulging her sweet tooth , reading the news, or attempting to get inside the heads of her four younger brothers. Catherine doesn’t have a personal tumblr (yet), but you can follow her on twitter @cmrivera2013.
Dispatches from a College Sexpert: Going Dutch
There are lots of Dutch things I like (pastries, Gouda cheese, sex ed, tulips, and clogs), but my favorite (and probably least authentic) is the term “going Dutch.” As you’ve probably figured out, going Dutch is not the newest sex position (if you’re looking for that, you can try these)—it’s the idea that each person pitches in when doing a shared activity. So, in that spirit of equality and independence, I present nine dos and don’ts for doing it like the Dutch (in bed).*
Doing the Splits:
If you’re a broke college student (and possibly a fan of the modern couple idea), it just makes sense to split the bill whenever you can, including in the bedroom. It takes two to make a baby—why shouldn’t those two chip in equally to prevent the aforementioned baby? Cost sharing for birth control can help both you and your beau feel that you’re working to prevent pregnancy together, and what makes better sex than teamwork?
1) DO have an honest conversation with your partner about what birth control method you’re on and how much you (not your parents) pay out-of-pocket for it every month, three months, or year. Then ask him if he’d be willing to pitch in.
2) DON’T expect hook-ups to chip in for your birth control.
3) DO consider going on a long acting method like the implant or the IUD—it can cover you for 3, 5, or 10 years, which means that down payment can really pay off in the long term. And it sticks with you even if your partner doesn’t.
Doing it Dually:
I’ll admit it; I love condoms and birth control. And why choose between the two when they both work so well? Dual use of methods (as in condoms + pill/ring/IUD/any other form of hormonal or long acting birth control) helps prevent pregnancy and STIs, and then pregnancy again. Worry (and regret) free sex? Yes, please.
4) DO use a condom whenever you hook up with someone new or anyone whose status (that’s STI, not relationship) you don’t know. It’s really easy to think that the hot, smart, funny person you’re about to do is obviously completely healthy, but tons of college students have STIs and just don’t know it.
5) DON’T take condoms off the table (or out of the drawer) just because you’re in a committed relationship and on another form of birth control. Extra protection is always good and slip-ups (on your end and his) happen, especially (and unfortunately) for students.
6) DO feel good for protecting yourself and confident carrying and using condoms. If you need an extra confidence boost and want to practice putting them on (and you have an iPhone), download Condom Pro.
Doing it Down There:
Since women give more oral sex than they get, I’m advocating for everyone to bring a little equality to this act too. It’s definitely a given that some women don’t like or don’t feel comfortable receiving oral sex, but if that’s not you (and if you’re giving oral sex) there’s no reason not to get it in return. Like we hear each holiday season, giving is so much better than receiving… but, when it comes to going down, reciprocation is oh-so-rewarding.
7) DO ask for it (and give in return, of course) during a hookup to get things going, or keep things from going further. Just make sure to use a condom or dental dam to protect yourself and your partner against STIs. If you do end up going down on each other sans condom or dental dam, remember this: swallow or spit, just don’t let it sit.
8) DON’T be self-conscious about the appearance of your vagina/vulva/lady-parts. Just like cellulite, men don’t notice small differences, so don’t refuse an offer just because you’re worried about him not being into it (he’s already into you).
9) DO try showering before you go down (or going down in the shower) or using flavored lube to switch things up or if you (or your partner) are not into the smell or taste of the other person. Food (whipped cream, chocolate sauce etc.) can be fun, but can throw off the pH balance—and cause yeast infections—if it gets inside the vagina. Not sexy!
If you have any other ways to do it like the Dutch, let me know. Otherwise, I’ll be back next week talking about birth control and friends.
*Disclaimer: I’ve never been to The Netherlands or with a Dutch man—this is a loose interpretation of how the Dutch do.
“Clogs or Allstars?” image by annemarievanl.
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Catherine Rivera is an intern for Bedsider. When she’s not counseling, teaching, researching or writing about sex and relationships, this Stanford University student can be found passing out condoms to her fellow students, mentoring middle school girls, indulging her sweet tooth , reading the news, or attempting to get inside the heads of her four younger brothers. Catherine doesn’t have a personal tumblr (yet), but you can follow her on twitter @cmrivera2013.
Dispatches from a College Sexpert: Claim Your Independence (Day)
As an Independence Day baby, I try to be an expert on all things 4th of July (you should have seen my 5th grade wardrobe…one word: flags). However, this Independence Day I’ve decided to branch out and talk about celebrating independence regardless any time of year. Here are 10 ways to celebrate your independence, whether you’re single or not.
Despite the fact that Miley used this song to come out of her Disney mold and move her hips like “yeah,” it does have a decent message about embracing new experiences (and with an American flag in the background, no less). If you’re in a new situation, it can be hard to branch out instead of latching onto routines, things, or people you’re already comfortable with, but striking a balance can lead to more happiness.
1) Get out of your comfort zone. But think of it like yoga—you should feel a stretch, but nothing should hurt too much.
2) Make a list of accomplishments you’re proud of (and the people and experiences that helped you get there).
3) Walk like a boss, talk like a boss (just like Ne-Yo likes). While “fake it ‘til you make it” may not work for everything, it can help you feel more confident.
While having an explosive personality (or an explosive bra) works for some people (or only for Katy Perry), you don’t have to be an extrovert to cultivate your independence. (In fact, the introverts in my life are some of the most independent people I know.)
4) Take care of yourself. Get something waxed, painted, polished, brushed; work out (because who doesn’t feel better eating a cupcake after she’s worked out); catch up with friends; or do something creative like DIY crafts (Pinterest is full of them).
5) Do something that makes you feel productive. It can be anything from making the bed or sending an e-mail to a friend to joining the gym, or looking for jobs, but doing things on your own every day (no matter how insignificant they seem) helps.
6) Discover a passion or become an expert on something you care about.
7) Look inward. It’s easy to look outward—to friends, partners, grades, or sports—to affirm that you’re awesome, but that can lead to disappointment. Make sure you’re proud of what you’ve achieved in the past and present, no matter how the future turns out.
As an avid Cosmo reader, I know how hard it is to imagine you’ll ever be the sex goddess with the perfect body they are compelling you to be. The goals are unrealistic and the tips focus too much on making him feel good, instead of you. While giving our partners pleasure is great, focusing on yourself sometimes can make everything you do together (in bed and out) better for everyone.
8) Appreciate the shape of your own body and others’ bodies. The grass is always greener, but you’ll be happier if you can appreciate the differences. Bonus: Here’s Glamour asking 6 women about their (very different) bodies.
9) Know what turns you on and what turns you off (yes, you may have to do some self-exploration). Then figure out how to ask for it from your partner—presented the right way, they’ll appreciate the insight.
10) Get on birth control if you aren’t ready to have kids. Because nothing says independence (and hotter sex) like not having dependents (or worrying about making them). Is birth control already making you more independent? Tell Bedsider how!
Whatever way you’re celebrating your independence (or Independence Day), I hope it’s fun and safe. I will be spending my birthday (and the nation’s) eating appropriately decorated cupcakes, watching the fireworks over the capital, and enjoying my Wednesday off. To take a break from the patriotic pedestal, I’ll be back next week (a little older, a little wiser) to talk about going dutch.
Image by Someecards.
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Catherine Rivera is an intern for Bedsider. When she’s not counseling, teaching, researching or writing about sex and relationships, this Stanford University student can be found passing out condoms to her fellow students, mentoring middle school girls, indulging her sweet tooth , reading the news, or attempting to get inside the heads of her four younger brothers. Catherine doesn’t have a personal tumblr (yet), but you can follow her on twitter @cmrivera2013.
