When a condom isn’t used, 43% of the time it happens without the partners actually talking about it first. We all need to communicate, and not just with our bodies.
The only crystal ball that will show a partner the way to please you is communication.
Love your vagina. We know talk of speculums and beaver shots may sound gross, but there’s nothing gross about your body. Try to have happy, positive thoughts about your bod, especially your genitals — learn to love them, and then you’ll want to take care of them by going to the doctor regularly.
And when you finally get there, consider these do’s and don’ts to make your visit easier and more productive for you and your health care provider.
While it’s reassuring to know that I’m in good health, the exam wasn’t the most important part of the visit. The talking was.
Sex Scene of the Week: “Chapter 7”
This week’s SSOTW is brought to you by Episode 7 of House of Cards, airing…whenever you’ve got some Wi-fi and free time. Seasons 1 and 2 of House of Cards are currently available in their entirety on Netflix.
Even after watching two seasons of dirty politics and adultery, I’m still disturbed by a sex scene in “Chapter 7” of House of Cards. The scene features House Majority Whip Frank Underwood and journalist Zoe Barnes and seems more like a horizontal briefing than real sexual chemistry. And let’s be honest: That’s really all this arrangement is. Underwood gets to sleep with a young, eager journalist while trading secrets of the Oval Office for headlines to manipulate his way to the White House. Barnes gets the self-satisfaction of boning a political big wig and being journalism’s latest “it girl” with her secret connection.
One night Frank slithers over to Zoe’s roach-motel apartment, initiates a conversation about their age difference, and notes that he’s old enough to be Zoe’s father. After reminding her it’s Father’s Day, Frank commands Zoe to be a good girl and call home. She gets into the role of daddy’s little girl to call and reassure her father that she will visit soon. An affair based on business suddenly turns high school homeroom as Zoe talks on the fire escape doodling a penis/heart on the window as Frank waits for her to hang up so he can get what he came for.
They cross a weird boundary of father-figure and lover as Frank begins to perform oral sex on Zoe while she’s mid-conversation with her actual father. I found myself covering my eyes like I was watching Saw instead of a sex scene when in between stifled moans Zoe told her father, “I’m going to try to come,” with Frank’s head buried between her legs.
It’s one of the first times in the series that viewers get a graphic view of how creepy this Frank-Zoe relationship is. We see how Frank controls Zoe, who—as smart as she is—still has stars in her eyes whenever Frank talks politics and power. Frank gets off on the power of playing Zoe like a puppet. Their relationship is a harsh lesson in how sex can be used as a means to an end, whether the end be control, a political position, or a good story.
Some of us fool ourselves into believing we’re having sex for pleasure when it’s really for power, or that we’re in love when we really have low self-esteem. The problem comes when we fail to be honest—with ourselves or with our partners—about what we expect from a sexual encounter. A little talking before touching never hurt anyone, so it’s important to communicate so no one walks away with mixed messages. Make sure that you and your partner are on the same page, even if the only reason you’re getting it on is simply because the getting is good.
Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting educator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She is regularly featured on MadameNoire.com and blogs about everything from beauty to breakfast cereal to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.