Comprehensive Safer Sex 3: Take it to the next level
As part of STD Awareness Month, Jenelle Marie of The STD Project is contributing a three-part series to our tumblr (along with an article for Bedsider.org) sharing her experiences with STIs and her suggestions for how to have the safest sex possible. This is the final post of the series.
Always bring a raincoat even if you’re not expecting rain. Image source: George Eastman House
When thinking about a comprehensive safer-sex regimen, it helps to keep in mind things that are not considered part of safer-sex too, because it’s really easy to get overwhelmed or a bit confused when you’re trying to be as responsible with your sexual health as possible.
Although sex comes with some hefty implications for your health and emotional well-being, it doesn’t have to be all business and no play. In fact, adding humor to your safer-sex plan can make those steps seem less cumbersome. When you can laugh about the things that seem a bit awkward, you lighten the mood and open the opportunity to explore and learn together.
This shouldn’t be a deal breaker for a partner. In fact, it should be very sexy to them that you’re conscientious and careful. If it’s not, you should ask yourself if this is the right person for you. Someone who cares about their body and their health is also more apt to care about you, your body, and your health. Do you really want to get intimate with someone who doesn’t place safer sex on their list of priorities?
At the end of the day, you and your partner have to decide which risks you’re willing to accept, and how you’re most comfortable negotiating them together. Whether it’s for a long-term relationship or just for a night, it should be the responsibility of both partners to talk about safer sex and prepare to be sexually healthy in the bedroom.
If you’re already living with an STI…
We talk about STIs in depth on The STD Project and provide a lot of the basic information you can find on sexual health websites alongside the grey areas most people are afraid to talk about—how to live with and have healthy relationships with an STI, when to tell someone you have an STI, how to tell someone you have an STI, and more.
Whether you’re living with an STI or doing your best to educate yourself about how to avoid them, a comprehensive safer-sex approach is the sexiest and safest way to be sexually healthy.
Voice your opinion about birth control to help make the process of choosing a method easier!
A team of researchers, clinicians, and patient representatives from or working with Dartmouth College are asking women to take a 10-minute anonymous online survey on how they make decisions about birth control. (It’s linked above. And here, again.) The team wants to use what they learn from the survey to develop a tool that will help women and their healthcare providers communicate and collaborate better on the birth control decision-making process. (A very worthy cause in our humble opinions.) In the team’s own words:
We know it can be difficult for women and healthcare providers to have a conversation about which method best suits a woman’s particular lifestyle, finances, and preferences. And, it can be tough to find trustworthy and easy-to-understand information that explains the benefits and drawbacks of different methods.
If you’re a woman between 15 and 45 years old who: uses or is interested in learning about contraception, lives in the United States, and is comfortable reading and writing English, please take a few minutes to share your views and priorities relating to birth control.
PS—The research team is also looking for healthcare providers who offer contraception counseling or prescriptions, live in the United States, and are comfortable reading and writing English to complete a 10-minute anonymous online survey about helping patients make decisions about contraception.
Swoon. These photos are just one of the many ways our college ambassadors at University of Maryland (a.k.a. Bedsider UMD) are spreading the word about birth control on their campus. Here’s what they have to say about this particular (fantastic) project:
Birth Control LOVE at UMD is a photo project by Bedsider UMD to raise awareness of birth control use (and birth control love!) across the University of Maryland campus. Birth control continues to be something that almost all college students use, but is consistently left out of everyday conversation. Let’s let go of that stigma and let the world know we love, use, know someone who USES, or have a partner who USES some form of birth control—and we CAN talk about it!
And there’s much more where that came from. Visit Bedsider’s social channels during our very first “college week” (April 15th-19th—that means it starts tomorrow!) to learn more about the amazing things our Bedsider ambassadors are doing on their campuses.
The Fine Art of Condom Negotiation
Why the need for STD Awareness Month? Well, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), nearly 20 million new sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) occur in the United States each year, and half of them happen among young people ages 15–24. It’s scary to think so many young people have not gotten the memo that safer sex is a must.
It should go without saying that a big part of practicing safer sex is using a condom—every time. And yes—in “the heat of the moment” negotiating condom use can be difficult. That’s why in a perfect world that conversation would always happen long before the foreplay starts. But of course we live in the REAL world, where things tend to move quickly. So how can we get our partner on board for using protection? I talked to 3 sexual health educators who offered the following pointers:
#1 take-away here: Make using a condom fun! And as I recently learned during a Harlem United Tea Party (the name of their safe sex presentations), one way to do that is by putting on the condom with your mouth. (If you’ve never seen it done, check out Putting on a condom w/ NO HANDS, starting at 6:21). During our interview, sex educator Tasha Douge explains why this method can be highly effective:
What are your secrets to negotiating condom use? Share them in the comments below!
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Veralyn Williams is a Multimedia Freelance Journalist currently working in New York City. She has spent 4 years at WNYC Radio working with various departments including: Radio Rookies, Culture, News, and Freakonomics. She also freelances for Black Enterprise, BronxNet Television, Bedsider, and The Museum for African Art. Her independent work is featured on her website VeralynMedia.com. Through all of her endeavors she aims to give a voice to perspectives that are often forgotten in the media.
The Frisky Friday Top Five: How to say intercourse without saying intercourse
What’s playing rantum-scantum? Yup, it’s what you think. So many ways to do it, so many ways to say it…
Salt 'N' Pepa Are Still Talking About Sex
Do yourself a favor and read this BuzzFeed interview with Pepa of the legendary hip-hop duo that brought us “Let’s Talk About Sex.” It’s short and awesome, as you can see from this excerpt.
What else keeps you motivated?
Good sex!
Totally makes us want to Shoop.
We are sex-obsessed. We are obsessed with wanting it in all its flavors, deny that we want it, and then hide it when we get it the way we want it. It takes a lot of guts to be a normal real person in the real world living a fully integrated life, i.e., embracing your sexuality.
Danny: Do you use contraception?
Mindy: [laughing] Yeah, condoms. But, ugh, am I right?
Danny: I don’t know. What does “ugh” mean?
Mindy: Well, condom etiquette, it’s hard for women, you know? ‘Cause you want to have condoms, but you can’t keep them by the bed, ‘cause then it seems like …
Aw, Mindy…watch this, okay? We say any man who’s not turned on by a woman who’s on top of her reproductive health probably shouldn’t be having sex…
