You can be a sex bomb and a stink bomb, and we’ll still think you’re fabulous.
Frisky Friday, “What’s that smell? The truth about body functions”
The funny part is we mean it. We really do.
Guys like Alice’s boyfriend hide birth control pills or flush them down the toilet; they sweet-talk, threaten, even rape. Why? Not because they’re dreaming of booties, blankets, and Daddy-baby yoga. ‘It’s about one person controlling another,’ says Leslie Walker, M.D., chief of adolescent medicine at Seattle Children’s Hospital. (Talk about control: experts say some men force their girlfriends to get pregnant—and to have abortions.) It’s the ultimate form of control: of your body itself and—if you have a baby, or get an STI, some of which cause infertility—of the rest of your life.
Lynn Harris, from “15 Warning Signs He Doesn’t Support Your Contraceptive Choices.”
Sexual Assault Awareness Month is coming to an end, but birth control sabotage continues to be a very scary, very real form of abuse. This post by Lynn Harris was first published way back in 2011, but the tips on recognizing reproductive coercion and taking action to protect yourself are as relevant as ever.
If you think you or someone you know may be in an abusive relationship, check out Love is Respect and RAINN to find out how to get help.
The Creeps on the Street
Ick. Last night, an older man followed me out of a drugstore near my school. For almost a block, he relentlessly questioned me about anything and everything to get a response. “Where are you from? What’s your major? Do you wanna be texting buddies?” I could’ve sworn that my body language and rapid eye rolls would keep him moving…moving away. But my non-answers motivated him even more. The creep wouldn’t stop until he almost collided with another car.
The street jeers—you know, “Aye, girl!” “Excuse me, miss…” and “Lemme talk to you for a minute, sweetheart!”—are something I’ve grown used to. At first, I found them flattering. Then I found them annoying. And now I find them commonplace. A guy once told me that most males do it as a sport—the whistles and gestures are the bait. It’s up to us to decide if we want to bite.
I figured that most women are used to brushing off and ignoring the lewd comments on the streets. Holly Kearl isn’t one of them. She’s the creator of Stop Street Harassment, a web resource that has grown into a worldwide movement. This week marks the first annual International Anti-Street Harassment Week, but it isn’t the first time that this issue has been brought to light.
This week stemmed from one lone day that sparked a global response.
“Last year, we only observed one day of activism.” she told me. “After thousands of people from all over the world participated, we extended the awareness to a week. It’s still growing. Going into the week, we had 100 cosponsors from 18 countries, and now we have 21.”
So what is street harassment? “Any action or comment between strangers in public places that is disrespectful, unwelcome, threatening and/or harassing and is motivated by gender,” according to Stop Street Harassment’s website. There’s a huge difference between a compliment and a catcall.
“It comes down to tone of voice and what they convey,” Holly said. “A ‘hello’ should be fine, but up and down looks can be creepy and unwelcome.”
She wants us to know that no response is not always the best response in situations like that. “Say whatever makes you feel strong and empowered,” she advised. “Ask ‘would you want your sister talked to that way?’ or repeat their comment to make them feel dumb. But be careful…you never know how harassment can escalate.”
The video above shows guys—GOOD guys—taking a stance against street creeping. It’s not too late to join them.
International Anti-Street Harassment Week ends tomorrow, Saturday, March 24—but I have a feeling the fight will continue year round.
Learn more about street harassment.
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Khalea Underwood is an intern for the digital media team of The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. When she’s not writing, shopping, or listening to music, the Howard University print journalism student moonlights as an older sister, a contributor for MTVIggy.com, and a copy editor for The Hilltop newspaper.
Wise words from Marilyn Monroe.
(via likelaughlovelive)
No Beauty Mistake Has Ever Turned a Man Off
The caption says it all: “Women look sexy and feel sexy when they’re being themselves. If a dude is turned off by my bold lip, wait until he gets a load of my bold personality.”
(That!)
Dirty Minds: 5 Sex Myths Bashed By Brain Science
So. Much. Goodness.
Totally love this! Thanks bedsider!
Yes, I love articles that dispel the myths and theories that women and men are practically opposites in regards to their sex drive. Women derive the same amount of please from porn, are no more attached to emotional relationships, and are no less likely to cheat. Now I just need a source that says that men don’t necessarily think about sex more than women!
We’ve got that! We wrote about it in our December 14th “Get on Top digest. Well, actually, the study we wrote about did find that men think about sex more—but they also think about other physical desires (sleeping, eating…) more than women, and the difference is definitely much smaller than stereotypes would have us believe. (We love myth-busting too.)
Dirty Minds: 5 Sex Myths Bashed By Brain Science
So. Much. Goodness.
‘In contrast with the traditional linear model, in which desire precedes sex, these results support a nonlinear model of sexuality in older women, because sexual desire did not precede sexual arousal in most women,’ the authors wrote. Women, they suggested, ‘engage in sexual activity for multiple reasons, which may include nurture, affirmation, or sustenance of a relationship.’
From the Los Angeles Times article “Sexual satisfaction highest in oldest, youngest women, study says.”
Why do you engage in sexual activity?
One More Thing to Do Before Moving In Together
Originally published on SexReally.com on November 9, 2010.
A CNN post by Wendy Atterberry of The Frisky about “Things to do before moving in together,” had some pretty solid advice for couples who are thinking about taking their relationship to the cohabiting (or, possibly, married) level. The list includes talking about money, meeting important people in your partner’s life, sharing experiences, and even deciding how you’d handle an unplanned pregnancy (in the #2 spot, no less!). I propose one, IMHO, very important addendum, though: if we’re talking about pregnancy in terms of unplanned, shouldn’t we talk about how we’re preventing unplanned pregnancy, too?
Don’t get me wrong—I think deciding how you would handle an unplanned pregnancy is absolutely necessary. If you’re living together, you’re probably having sex and no method of contraception is 100% effective (unless you’re planning on foregoing sex completely), so it’s good to have a back-up plan. I just want to add that it’s at least as important to have discussed how you, as a couple, are going to work together, tirelessly, every day (or get a long-acting method that does the heavy-lifting for you), to ensure you’re taking all necessary precautions to avoid having to employ the aforementioned back-up plan. While it’s true that no method of contraception is 100%, there are some pretty darn effective methods to choose from, nonetheless. Using one (or several) of these methods carefully and consistently can seriously reduce the likelihood that you’ll need to resort to plan #2.
If you’ll allow me to nerd out for just a moment, cohabiting couples are at particularly high risk for unplanned pregnancy. More than two-thirds of pregnancies to cohabiting women (69%) are unplanned according to The National Campaign’s DCR Report.And according to a 2009 Guttmacher policy review, “About 10% of women in their 20s are cohabiting, the largest proportion of any age-group. Cohabiting women use contraceptives at rates similar to those of married women, but, because cohabiting women typically have sex more often than married women, their rate of unintended pregnancy is more than twice that of married women or of unmarried women who are not cohabiting. It may also be that cohabiting women are not as motivated as other women to use contraceptives consistently over time, perhaps because they are more ambivalent about pregnancy.”
Indeed, The National Campaign’s Fog Zone report explored some of these themes and found that almost two-thirds (65%) of cohabiting respondents thought it likely that they would marry and have a baby with their current partner eventually. Research suggests that’s a lot less likely than they think—for example, The DCR Report shows that more than one-third (35%) of cohabiting women who had a child with their partner as a result of an unplanned pregnancy broke up with their partner by the baby’s second birthday.
If you want to see more about why even couples who are ready to live together should put some major effort into avoiding pregnancy till both partners are totally ready to be three instead of two, check out the sections of The DCR Report on mental health (Section I), relationship quality (Section H), and relationship stability (Section G). If you just want to take my word for it, please add “Talk about how to prevent unplanned pregnancy” to your checklist of things to do before moving in together, okay? Please? Even if you (or your girlfriend) use a long-acting, low-maintenance method, both partners should be knowledgeable and enthusiastic about prevention—science says that helps, too.
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Liz Sabatiuk is Social Media Manager for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. When she’s not blogging about birth control and relationships, she dances and teaches Argentine tango and spends a little too much time on Facebook.
