So, uh, Got Any STDs I Should Know About?
Originally published on SexReally.com on December 1, 2009.
Ever been really nervous about asking someone about their sexual history and STIs, then ended up having a beautiful, completely unawkward conversation? Maybe not. And that’s okay. I’d wager that for many of us there are few, if any, ideal moments to bring up contraception and sexually transmitted infections (STIs, more commonly known as STDs), but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have to be done. Furthermore, no matter how sweet, open, and honest your partner is, you should never assume that s/he will volunteer information about sexual history or STIs, even if there’s something you should know about.
Wondering what you need to know? Health.com has a pretty thorough list of “10 Questions to Ask a New Partner Before Having Sex” to get you started. I confess reading this list got me thinking about how exactly one should go about broaching these important but awkward topics.
I humbly submit a few thoughts on the matter:
- You might not want to ask these questions on a first date, but they can be something to tackle incrementally over time, starting when you’re first getting to know someone and continuing as you get more involved. Many sex educators advise parents to start talking to their children about sex and relationships—in an age-appropriate way—from a young age and continue till adulthood. Of course the timeline may be different for a romantic relationship, but the idea of establishing trust and ongoing communication early on certainly applies.
- If you go the one-formal-conversation route, it’s probably best to do it somewhere relatively comfortable and private and not in the heat of the moment. (EHow backs me up on this one).
- If you wait till the heat of the moment, be prepared to stop what you’re doing.
- On a related note, as Dr. Elizabeth Boskey notes in an excellent post about negotiating safer sex, “when you sit down to talk to your partner before the first time you have sex, know that their answers could lead to you deciding not to have sex with that person—that night, that month, or ever.”
- That said, Sylvia Mayorga of Sex, Etc ventures that “chances are that if you are honest with your partner, he or she will appreciate your truthfulness. That kind of honesty might even strengthen the emotional bond between you.”
Have you ever talked STIs and contraception with a new partner? How did you (or your partner) bring up the topic? How’d the conversation go?
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Liz Sabatiuk is Social Media Manager for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. When she’s not blogging about birth control and relationships, she dances and teaches Argentine tango and spends a little too much time on Facebook.
Contraception for Dudes: Blast to the Testes!
Originally published on SexReally.com on May 12th, 2010.
Wow. Could it be that scientists are finally on the brink of finding a safe, low-cost, long-acting, reversible method of birth control…for men?
For decades people have lamented—and debated—the lack of contraceptive options for men (no disrespect intended to the fabulous, STI-thwarting male condom). Some say it’s unfair for the responsibility for contraception to fall squarely on women’s shoulders, others say it makes sense since women often bear the brunt of the consequences of an unplanned pregnancy. And some, as I’ve written about, say that men are too incompetent to be trusted with the responsibility anyway.
Nevertheless, a male “pill” has been in the works for decades. It would seem that (safely and reversibly) altering men’s hormones to affect their potency is no cakewalk. Still, scientists claim to be closer than ever to getting a male hormonal method on the market. But they may have more competition than they bargained for…
Apparently the dark horse method of male contraception is none other than the ultrasound. Yes, the ultrasound most often associated with viewing developing fetuses. Ironic, or fitting? Anyway, according to BBC News, “University of North Carolina experts believe a blast of ultrasound to the testes can safely stop sperm production for six months.”
Though the description may sound a little scary to some (and I will resist the urge to go on a rant about double-standards for the moment), the prospect of a reliable, non-hormonal method for men certainly strikes me as something worth further investigation. We’ll be staying tuned!
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Liz Sabatiuk is Social Media Manager for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. When she’s not blogging about birth control and relationships, she dances and teaches Argentine tango and spends a little too much time on Facebook.
Seen on Twitter: What’s “a Slut”?
Originally published on SexReally.com on February 2, 2010.
To accompany our “Slut: The Worst 4-Letter Word?” podcast, we searched “a slut” in our twitter feed to see how people are using the word. As Jessica pointed out in the poll “Do you use the word ‘slut’?” urbandictionary.com has 255 definitions for it (actually, a week later as I’m writing this the number appears to have increased to 259). Based on a brief skim of the many (MANY) tweets that include the term—excluding all mention of Miley Cyrus, I might add—here is my short list, in no particular order, of what “slut” means to twitter-users.
1. Someone who exchanges knowing looks with strangers. @jarlady Exchanged so many knowing looks with strangers today that I fear I may be a spy with amnesia. Or better yet, a slut.
2. Someone who talks to multiple girls. @GhiTZ247 its funny this oone girl calls me a slut cuz i talked to all the girls..but i was like oh their my friends ahaha then on to the next 1
3. Someone (female) who has indiscriminate group sex with everyone she sees. @Weaping_Willows A slut is someone who goes around gang banging ever dude she sees! Im talking about one guy i sleep with
4. Someone (or an entire nation) who behaves provocatively. @emma_todd Aha “Britain believed the Czechs were guilty of provocative behaviour.” So czechoslovakia was a slut!
5. Someone who thinks favorably of sex. @HillyHuddy (In response to @tvandmusicfan) right. and I’m a slut cause I approve of sex? interesting
6. Someone (or something) who will bond with anything. @fazana_JLS my teacher told me Oxygen is a “slut” hahah lmao funy ways of describing chemical reactions lmao
7. Someone (female) who is ‘sexually autonymous’ and rejects ‘loyalty’ to African sellout mofos (YEAH!) @KolaBoof (in response to @Drea141) Any woman who is “sexually autonymous” and rejects “loyalty” to African sellout mofos….is a SLUT.
8. Someone who defends Justin Bieber (?) @Miss_Bieber_123 I JUST GOT CALLED A SLUT FOR STICKING UP 4 @JUSTINBIEBER :O
9. Someone who claims a snuggie. @soapyeyes cat has claimed the snuggie. What a slut. Now it’s gonna be full of cat hair…. I should really go outside once in a while.
10. Someone who has a different girl every day of the week. @AurieSafari He’s a slut he’s a hoe he’s a freak. Got a different girl everyday of the week.
11. Someone who will cheat on her boyfriend for “people.” @fadedrainbows Why do people think I will cheat on my boyfriend for them? Come on guys, I like sex but I’m not a slut.
12. Someone (or something) who doesn’t cooperate. @desyc my DVD is acting like a slut! I can’t watch any movie..TV sucks! no book to read anymore..I can’t sleep. guess tomorrow I’ll speak like SBY!
Sooo…which definition is your favorite? Other suggestions?
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Liz Sabatiuk is Social Media Manager for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. When she’s not blogging about birth control and relationships, she dances and teaches Argentine tango and spends a little too much time on Facebook.
I’m Only A Slut on Halloween
Originally published on SexReally.com on October 29, 2009.
Halloween, the one night of the year when women can unabashedly flaunt whatever they’ve got in the name of “costume.” Or, as Lindsay Lohan’s character learns, rather traumatically, in Mean Girls,”the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” Seems like there’s a lot of speculation about why women wear sexy costumes (as for children’s costumes, I’ve decided just not to go there this year). Is it the pressure of knowing all the other women will go sexy/slutty and a purely scary or silly costume could seem drab in comparison? Is it the pressure of the other 364 nights of the year to come across as respectable and “good”? Is it every woman’s true exhibitionist nature rearing its sexy head? Or an opportunity to compete with the hyper-sexualized models and actresses worshipped by popular culture?
In my research I’ve come across some really interesting analyses and theories, and some great ideas for alternatives to the standard sexy-costume theme, which is practically impossible to avoid in mainstream costume shopping (click the links to see some of my favorites). Yet I found relatively few (one, to be precise) first-person accounts of why women feel compelled—or inspired—to prefix their costume, whatever it may be, with “slutty” or “sexy.” So fess up. Who’s ever worn (or gone out with a woman wearing) a sexy/slutty Halloween costume? How’d it feel? Why’d you (or she) do it? Did actual sex have anything to do with it?
I must admit I’ve never gone the themed-bikini route—it’s bad enough wearing a bikini on the beach, let alone on the street at night in late October—but I can by no means say I’ve never played the Halloween-costume-card as an excuse to wear a corset and fishnets. I also admit that the handful of times that I’ve worn a sexy Halloween costume when I was in a relationship (and on the same continent as my boyfriend), the costume definitely added spice to the night.
So…tell us your stories…what do you look for in a Halloween costume? Has a Halloween costume ever affected your sex life or your relationship? Can “couples costumes“ be a turn-on, or a turn-off for that matter?
Alternately, do you think the sexy-costume craze is just another indicator of societal pressure on women to objectify themselves, or, conversely, an indicator of societal pressure on women to repress their sexuality in everyday life?
What’s your take on sexy Halloween costumes?
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Liz Sabatiuk is Social Media Manager for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. When she’s not blogging about birth control and relationships, she dances and teaches Argentine tango and spends a little too much time on Facebook.
Seen On Twitter: Eight Good Reasons to “Break Up With” Someone
Originally published on SexReally.com on September 3, 2009.
If you’ve explored SexReally, you may have noticed our shifting “_______ On Twitter” feed (if not, scroll down now), which displays real-time tweets about topics we want to hear about. This week and last, we’ve been talking break ups on the site, and we’ve seen some interesting tweets on the subject… Here are SexReally’s top 8 twittered reasons to “break up with” someone:
1. Because at least one of you didn’t even think you were dating: @verdhandi needs help. Oh god. How do I get myself into these messes? How do you break up with someone you didnt even think you were dating?
2. Because she’s pregnant (unplanned), and you’re a woman: @jaimefilson I found out my girlfriend is pregnant and then decided to break up with her. Why? We’re lesbians.
3. Because she bought a “Boyfriend Remote” app: @bradleyjp There’s no way that says 199.99 regular price, 19.99 sale price. I’d break up with a girl who bought this app. http://post.ly/3jTh
4. Because she wants you to: @MagicLoveMusic i kinda wanna have him break up with me so i have been ignoring his texts and stull is that wrong or IDK WHAT TO DO HELP ME :/
Or for that matter…
Because he wants you to: @joannegozo He says: I’m not going to change. He means: I don’t have the balls to break up with u, so I’m gonna force u to dump me
As @juiceegal says If you want to break up with me, break up with me. Don’t act like a complete jerk until i do it for you. Grow up, bad boyfriends and girlfriends!
5. Because you’re losing your balls: @stagestallion @Whitala You need to break up with your lover, Tiffany. You’re losing your balls.
6. Because he’s threatening to “bang all your friends” if you do: @DavielDamani If your girl decides she wants break up with you, tell her that you are gonna bang all her friends….she won’t leave you then! Works every time!
7. Because he’s tweeting about breaking up with you: @DarthEdward Is going to break up with her. I just cant do this, I dont feel anything at all for her. @Xevolution2 @EmmyTadros uh i guess shes lucky?? but idk…i kinda wanna break up with her =/ nd im listening to Dont Let Me Down! :D
8. Because some guy who calls your boyfriend a douchebag on twitter wants you to: @cmoneyzz I’m falling for you harder :/ break up with your douchebag boyfriend! JUST KIDDING.
Your turn…seen any interesting tweets about break ups lately, on our feed or elsewhere?
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Liz Sabatiuk is Social Media Manager for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. When she’s not blogging about birth control and relationships, she dances and teaches Argentine tango and spends a little too much time on Facebook.
