Slut Pride, Slut Song, and Slut Sex (with Birth Control!)
Well. According to Google Trends (see the handy screen capture above), the word “slut” appeared in the news more this month than at any time in the history of the world (since 2004, anyway). This was thanks, presumably, to some ridiculous comments from a certain right-wing radio personality. The gist of the comments, for any who by some stroke of fairy magic managed not to hear/read them, was basically that any woman who has trouble affording birth control—or, debatably, any woman who even uses birth control—is a slut. Whichever way you interpret the comments, they refer to A LOT of women.
So it makes sense that one particularly notable theme to come out of the controversy has been a rallying cry for birth-control-loving folks far and wide to band together over their right (and the right of their loved ones) to access birth control—even if that makes them “sluts” by the (bizarro) standards of some. Sure, “slut” can mean different things to different people (especially on Twitter, as we’ve noted in the past), but regardless of how you feel about the word, we hope you’ll agree that the following three ways it’s been used lately are—for lack of a better word—awesome.
1) Sir Richard’s Condom Company started a “Sluts Unite” campaign, complete with its very own oath (!). The oath is worth reading in its entirety, in our humble opinion:
THE SLUTS UNITE OATH
I believe that sex represents more than just the creation of children.
I believe it is an enjoyable, healthy and a profound part of the human experience.
I also believe that the responsible use of birth control is an essential component of a mature, civilized society.
And if these beliefs make me a slut in some people’s eyes, then so be it.
I will stand united with my fellow sluts, now and always.
If the oath inspires you to show your “slut pride,” you can do so with downloadable slut-positive slogans like this one, courtesy of the Sluts Unite website.
2) Musical comedy duo Reformed Whores made a response video to the controversial comments, in which they proclaimed themselves sluts for using birth control—even though one was using it within her marriage and the other was using it for health benefits.
3) And last, but definitely not least, Not So Secret made the word into an acronym for healthy sex. If “slut” sex—that is sex involving safety, love, understanding, and trust—is wrong, we don’t want to be right.
Yet another great reason to exercise...
We already knew that good sex and exercise have a beautiful friendship—and the term coregasm has been floating around since at least 2007—but a new study actually puts science behind the rumors of exercise-induced orgasms (which even have an nifty acronym—EIO. Try not to think of Old MacDonald). What, you’re on your way to the gym? Um, us too.
Birth control and the economy (they get along famously)
Wow. We probably don’t need to tell you that birth control has been in the news a lot lately. And though unfortunately we can’t say the attention has been all positive, we’ve actually seen a whole lot of good publicity coming out of the discussion overall. The latest theme we’ve noticed is media attention to birth control and the economy—and let’s just say birth control comes out looking pretty fantastic (no make-up required). A few favorite points in birth control’s favor:
Women benefit. The New York Times published a piece yesterday (which The Washington Post riffed off of) on how the pill has affected women’s ability to contribute to the economy. A teaser:
A study by Martha J. Bailey, Brad Hershbein and Amalia R. Miller helps assign a dollar value to those tectonic shifts. For instance, they show that young women who won access to the pill in the 1960s ended up earning an 8 percent premium on their hourly wages by age 50.
Such trends have helped narrow the earnings gap between men and women. Indeed, the paper suggests that the pill accounted for 30 percent – 30 percent! – of the convergence of men’s and women’s earnings from 1990 to 2000.
Taxpayers benefit.On Sunday, The Times published a piece on “Pregnancy Prevention and the Taxpayer.” The article highlighted a recent study that found that there are a few things the government can pay for that will save taxpayers many, many dollars over the long haul. According to the study, “[t]he biggest savings would come from increasing the amount of subsidized birth control available to poor women. At a cost of $235 million a year, such programs could save $1.32 billion annually.” Sounds like a good deal to us…
Consumers benefit (from more information about their birth control options). Okay, maybe that heading’s a stretch, but we wanted to include an article from U.S. News Money on “The Real Cost of Birth Control,” which sought to be “a guide for people who want to consider the health of their bank account when making their birth control decision.” We love that they wanted to make the cost of different methods easier to understand, though it doesn’t look like they fully accounted for health insurance coverage (or health reform, which will eliminate co-pays on birth control, or other programs to make birth control cheaper or even free…) They also seem to have used slightly outdated effectiveness numbers for the different methods.
Must also note that their conclusion that the diaphragm is the most cost-effective method rings a bit hollow considering that with normal use of it, 12 in 100 women will get pregnant within a year of relying on it—U.S. News quotes that proportion as 15 in 100, which would be even more of a reason not to recommend it for folks who are watching their finances. As the article itself notes, an accidental pregnancy can be harder on a bank account than any method on the market. No offense to the diaphragm intended, but considering that the IUD, for example, is often quite affordable with insurance and also incredibly effective (same story for the implant, which didn’t even get a mention, as well as sterilization), we definitely would’ve picked a different winner.
Insurance providers and their customers benefit. And last but not least, way back in February, TIME published an excellent explanation of “Why Free Birth Control Will Not Hike the Cost of Your Insurance,” complete with illustrative anecdotes:
Think of it this way: If my married daughter lays out a $15 co-pay for birth control pills, she doesn’t save a dime. True, she protects herself against the emotional cost of an unwanted pregnancy, along with the hefty costs of raising a child. But in terms of the costs to give birth to the child, she is not much better off, because if she does become pregnant, her insurer, like many, would pay the bills above and beyond the co-pay.
By contrast, if an insurer makes birth control totally free for all of its customers, it avoids having to reimburse them for countless unplanned pregnancies and births. Overall, then, it’s cheaper for the insurer to pay a little upfront to save a ton down the line.
Who do you talk to about your sexual health? This video is one of the many reasons we’re rather taken with Beforeplay.org. Osocio has a nice summary of what the campaign is doing to get Coloradans talking about birth control, pregnancy, and STIs, or you can always go straight to the source.
Sex on TV: Longing stares at Downton Abbey
If any of you are like me, you’ve jumped on the Downton Abbey train. And I mean train in the steam locomotion sense, as commercial air travel wouldn’t enter the picture for another decade or so. But you know what I mean. Never did I think I’d see the day when I’d gleefully hop onto my couch with a glass of wine in hand to tune into my favorite program of the week on – wait for it—PBS. At least not until I was 80 or so. But there I am on Sunday nights (or on PBS’s website for mid-week catch up sessions), watching the tail end of Grannies on Safari or This Old House as I wait for Laura Linney to beckon me to early 20th century England.
So we’re there, biting our nails when poor Cousin Matthew is missing in war, rolling our eyes when naïve Sybil rebukes the adorable Branson’s declaration of love…again, and cackling with delight when crotchety Grandma Violet (a.k.a. Minerva McGonagall 4 Life) sends a zinger right into gullible Cousin Isobel’s girdle.
Sure, there’s a war and drama among the house staff and an impossibly cute dog, but the bulk of the storyline boils down to the ‘will they, won’t they’ love between Lady Mary and Cousin Matthew. And for a television show about love, there sure isn’t a ton of lovin’ going on. Aside from the insinuated, though never seen, heart stopping (literally) consummation of Mary and the now-deceased Turk in the first season and a single scene of maid-on-invalid debauchery during the second season, there’s practically zero bed-shaking at Downton Abbey. At least on screen. So why do I still feel the need to describe it as a sexy show?
Folks, Downton Abbey has perfected what is known as the longing glance. A piercing stare characterized by hankering, intensity, probable ujjayi breathing, robust with notes of yearning, aching, and just a touch of cardamom. And boy does Mary give good glance. She could probably get pregnant solely by the lusting in her stares at Cousin Matthew. As for Matthew, although his loins aren’t burning for anyone or anything post-war spinal injury, I’m not giving up hope for a Crawley-Crawley heir. Sybil’s too fickle and while I think it’s obvious that Ethel would miraculously heal from that nasty case of prickly bitch she’s been sporting if she just got laid, I’m not holding out for her to carry on the family genes.
In a nutshell, it sounds ludicrous to say that I get my jollies from an hour-long drama on PBS where STIs are less of a concern than the Spanish Flu, longing glances outnumber steamy sex scenes 100 to 0, and the female characters show less skin than a Barbara Walter’s 20/20. But I do. It just goes to show that television can be well-written, entertaining, and sexy without any vulgarity. So, you hear that, Barbara? Stop skanking it up.
“Downton-Abbey-Episode-7” image by Evian Tsai.
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Lauren Mann works in The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy’s Entertainment Media department. She’s been blogging about sex, love and relationships among twenty-somethings since she first joined the Campaign as an intern in 2009. Check out her personal blog at whatjewtalkingbout.tumblr.com.
Sex On TV: So That’s Why They Call It The Boob Tube
Greetings, Tumblees! I may not be as funny as Danny Rouhier or as sex savvy as Lena Chen, but there’s one thing I’m pretty damn good at: watching television. And after many tedious hours of forcing myself (okay, “forcing myself”) to watch episode after episode of sitcoms, dramas, reality television, and the occasional home shopping network program, I’ve discovered something rather groundbreaking. At any given moment, night or day, Law and Order is playing on some channel. 456 episodes over 20 years. Makes sense. But that’s not the headlining news. What I did learn was that television shows love to make their characters get busy. You know, vertical jogging. Making whoopee. Schtupping. And they like doing it a lot. (Arguably, not so much on the Home Shopping Network, but I think we can all agree that there’s something fishy going on with that Shake Weight thing…)
So what’s my vested interest? Growing up, I learned everything I know about sex, love, and relationships from television. I think I entered the scene with 7th Heaven. Since Lucy started dating when she was 12, I figured it was about time to put on my Limited Too training bra and look for the side of boys that didn’t have cooties. During my OC phase, seeing Marissa date Ryan, the bad boy, made me start peering over the proverbial train tracks, just to see what I was missing, ultimately realizing that I was much more interested in the Converse wearing, comic book reading, coffee-cart-proclaiming Seth. Then came college nights spent in Gossip Girl land, yearning to date a guy like Dan—perfectly scruffy, perfectly witty, and perfectly situated in a gorgeous loft in Brooklyn. I’m chronologically regressing somewhat as I now spend my Sunday evenings at Downton Abbey, but no one can exude aching lust in a longing glance like Lady Mary Crawley.
Whether it’s awkward, creative, boring, or ridiculous, television just isn’t the same without sex. After all, what’s more entertaining than watching sex? Well, I guess having sex. But it’s the humanity of it all: sex yields life. Literally. (Unless, of course, you’re using effective birth control.) It can elicit pretty much any human emotion, whether it’s knee-slapping laughter, heartwarming love, or need-to-leave-the-room discomfort. Sometimes, all in the same episode.
This is not a completely brand-spankin’ new venture. You may recall the days of occasional “Sex on TV” postings on the now obsolete SexReally.com. Not ringing any bells? What about this? Yeah, more of that. Probably less snark (but no promises).
So that brings me here, blogging out all the good, bad and ugly news that’s fit to print about boning on Bones, smashing on Smash, and plowing on Ice Road Truckers (Ew. I’m sorry, I had to). I will take one for the team, watch all the shows and ignore all of the distant rumblings of “those who can’t do, teach.” It’s actually my job to watch sex on TV, kids. Beat that.
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Lauren Mann works in The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy’s Entertainment Media department. She’s been blogging about sex, love and relationships among twenty-somethings since she first joined the Campaign as an intern in 2009. Check out her personal blog at whatjewtalkingbout.tumblr.com.
Help Bedsider become a TED “Ads Worth Spreading” finalist
About a month ago we asked you to vote for our “Don’t Give Up” ads in the TED “Ads Worth Spreading” challenge. 1) Thanks to all who did and who helped spread the word (!); 2) The voting is still going on (!).
All four of our ads are entered in the challenge and you can vote as many times as you want. You can preview one of the ads below if you don’t feel like clicking through quite yet, but we hope if you like it, you’ll take the leap and click through on each of the links below to vote for the four ads. (A whole bunch of times, maybe?)
In conclusion, vote early, vote often, and if you do vote, please let your friends know by reblogging this post and sharing through other social media channels. It could really make a difference!
You rock, we heart you, and we hope you heart our ads enough to help spread ‘em.
Why Victoria’s Secret Should Be Your Secret Too
Originally published on SexReally.com on December 4, 2009.
“I’m kinda in between boyfriends right now, so I don’t need anything sexy.” – Pam Beesly, while visiting Victoria’s Secret
Victoria’s Secret was prominently featured in a Season 3 episode of The Office entitled “Women’s Appreciation.” Fans of the show may remember Michael Scott’s misguided attempt to show his appreciation for his female employees when he took them to a Victoria’s Secret store and allowed each person to pick out one item as a present. Pam Beesly’s character, played by the lovely Jenna Fisher, chose a robe because, being single, she saw no need to purchase a pair of lacey panties or a push-up bra.
Pam’s quote continually ran through my head while viewing this season’s Victoria’s Secret Holiday Fashion Show. The event has become a staple of the holiday season, signaling the start of gift-giving and fulfilling men’s and women’s fantasies of tiny undergarments wrapped in pink paper under the Christmas tree. Let’s face it: the fantasy is hot. The products are hot. So why have they been relegated to the back of closets, only to be broken out when there is an audience present?
As a wardrobe consultant and stylist I see a practical disconnect between the sex that is on the runway and what is found in the depths of women’s boudoirs. Many people do own variations of the boustiers, slips, sheer nighties, and g-strings that are featured in glossy catalogues. The catch? These items are always, ALWAYS stuck in the furthest corners of the closet or underwear drawer.
Viewing this same situation time and time again has led me to conclude that women need to break those suckers out and make the fancy stuff a part of their everyday wardrobe. Our sexuality shouldn’t be turned on and off, or stuffed to the back of the drawer. Who we are sexually is part of who we are as people and we should acknowledge it regardless of our relationship status.
On a very practical note, the pretty underwear isn’t always comfortable. However, there are more options than ever on the market regarding style, shape, and material. Here are some realistic steps you can take to make sure your booty is both comfy and stylish during the day:
- Can’t think of wearing thongs? Clients routinely pick the wrong size. Go a size up or down for the correct fit. If you’re entirely convinced a thong isn’t for you, boy shorts can be a comfy and cute alternative…or if you’re feeling daring, you can always eliminate panty lines by going without!
- When is the last time you had your bra size measured? Statistics report that up to 80% are currently wearing the wrong size. Weight gain, weight loss, and hormone fluctuation can alter your size. Getting measured takes all of 5 minutes and can provide a world of comfort to women who feel as though they are being pinched, pushed, and otherwise fighting with their bra all day.
- Take your pretty undergarments out of their drawers and hang them up in your closet. The saying “out of sight, out of mind” even applies to underwear; if you see them on a regular basis you are more likely to wear them and incorporate them into your life.
The notion of having “good undies” used for “fancy occasions” is about as useful and fun as only using your favorite dishes when guests come to visit. Sure, people will be thrilled by the presentation, but don’t you want to delight yourself as well? Isn’t your life occasion enough to celebrate?
You deserve these small pleasures – with or without a partner. This isn’t about spending loads of money or buying into society’s ideal of what is sexy. Rather, it is about conscious decision-making regarding your style and your sexuality. The choice to pick up black lace verses Granny Panties isn’t going to change the world. But, it may change the framework of your day. It is a small choice that can be for you and you alone.
If I were to rewrite Pam’s quote it would go something like this: “I’m kinda in between boyfriends right now, but I have this nightie in 4 different colors and wear them all the time. I want another one, but this time in satin.”
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Kaarin Moore is the owner of Closet Caucus, a fashion consulting company located in Washington, DC. Her goal is to help clients express who they are through the medium of clothing. You can reach her at www.closetcaucus.com or on twitter (@closetcaucus).
