Sex and Song: The Knife, “Full of Fire”
You don’t need to be a musician to appreciate the connection between sex and music. Still, we thought it would be fun to hear what they have to say about it. In our “Sex and Song” series, curated by drummer and producer Katy Otto, musicians share a song about sex, love, or both, and what it means to them.
*****
At first i was kinda clueless about what to write in this column. My sexuality doesn’t deal with Beyonce’s ass or naked chicks posing in front of a car, the things that represent sex in the average music video. Then I remembered this amazing video my friends made for The Knife. I met the director, Marit Östberg, a few years ago when I was an extra in one of her Queer Feminist Porn shoots and all the films of hers I’ve seen so far have been uncompromising and radical. As she describes the intentions of “Full of Fire” in her own words: “The film ‘Full of Fire’ started to grow as an embryo in the song’s lines ‘Who looks after my story.’ Who takes care of our stories when the big history, written by straight rich white men, erase the complexity of human’s lives, desires and conditions?”
For me, the video shows sex on a broader scale than what’s usually perceived. A hug can be very sexy. More importantly, it offers all sorts of options across the line of hetero-normativity. “Full of Fire” shows beauty in a lot of things that usually get swept under the rug. Old people’s sexuality, gender fluidity, people with disabilities, fetishes. They all deserve attention. And this is exactly the story to look out for here.
The video was shot about a year ago in Stockholm, around the time I had the first date with my ex-lover, who was part of the film crew. I was on tour at the time and she visited us at our little backstage party. Seeing this video now brings back the wild and early days of this relationship. She threw up in a glass in the most graceful way possible next to people doing stick-and-poke tattoos and a bunch of drunk teenagers, who were friends of the support band, were going crazy. What a mess.
Mika Risiko is a Berlin-based musician, promoter, and tour manager. Listen to Crime, her new band with Sarah Adorable of Scream Club. She also plays in sissters.
In Review: Bi the Way—Is Bisexuality Bigger Than Sex?
Originally published on SexReally.com on August 3, 2011.
I recently stumbled upon this film in my Netflix queue. Released in 2008 by two young women filmmakers, Brittany Blockman and Josephine Decker, Bi the Way chronicles the lives of youth in the Midwest (ages 11-28) who identify as bisexual. Older generations in the film express confusion and disbelief at the concept of bisexuality, dismissing it as an outpouring of the “whatever” generation, who are content to date a boy one week and a girl the next. One women grounds her daughter in response to her daughter’s admission that she is bisexual.
Many of the interviews involve sophisticated assertions by the youth that they can’t be boxed in by simple definitions and that they are guided by attraction that defies even their own understanding of who they thought they might be. They take some degree of solace in images of queer people they’ve seen in mainstream culture. The film includes cameos by the likes of Dan Savage, who muses that gay people’s activism and visibility in the culture at large set the stage for greater confidence among those who identify as straight to experiment outside of opposite-sex-only attraction. Savage maintains that this is, in fact, a good and healthy thing.
Films like this and books like Jennifer Baumgardner’s Look Both Ways: Bisexual Politics help set forth complex narratives about what it means to live as a bisexual person in the United States. Neuroscientists, psychologists, anthropologists, musicians, and artists are featured in both the film and the book talking about how, for some, bisexuality is not just a period of exploration, but a way of framing one’s engagement with sexuality and the world. One of the most compelling parts of the film is when one of the scientists mentions a new study that shows that there are entirely different parts of the brain activated for romantic love, lust, and companionate love. The scientist then says that you can experience these at the same time, with more than one person. It makes a striking case for how natural bisexuality truly is to human psychology, because different factors trigger each of the three spheres of the brain.
This film is a great jumping off point for parents interested in talking to their children about sexuality since it provides role models and cultural and historical context to youth who are exploring, or just curious about, bisexual identity. Studies show a rise in numbers of those reporting bisexual behavior: in 2005, the CDC reported that 11.5% of women ages 18-44 reported same-sex encounters, three times as many as ten years before. Yet, as a recent Sexreally post on the subject noted, LGBT youth have been shown to engage in more risk-taking behaviors than their straight friends, and there is evidence suggesting that these behaviors are connected to the prejudice, social policing and hatred LGBT youth encounter on a daily basis.
Bi the Way is a resource for youth who want to hear voices and stories like their own, offering insights from a boy as young as 11 whose father is gay and whose mother is straight and who recognizes a potential freedom in charting a path of his own. One young man is seen asking his former girlfriend if she thought he was gay while they were dating, and the two have a candid discussion about their experiences with one another. The closeness they continue to share post-breakup speaks to the complex and multi-faceted nature of attraction and love. While this young man is dating another young man now, it is clear that his connection to his ex-girlfriend is rooted in genuine respect and love. We as an audience can see that bisexuality for youth is more complex than the detractors would have you believe. The film is poignant because of its focus on the emotional realities of the youth involved. The diverse racial and socio-economic backgrounds of the youth profiled adds to the film’s potentially widespread relevance.
I highly recommend this film for a nuanced look at how bisexual identity is impacting young people and the culture at large—and I recommend sharing it with those around you and in your community. And then share your own experiences.
*****
Katy Otto is a social justice activist, writer and musician who grew up in the DC area. She works in nonprofit management and development.
Homophobia Hurts Us All
Originally published on SexReally.com on January 31, 2011.
Lately it’s been difficult to turn on the news or the computer without hearing story after story about gay teenagers taking their own lives. This issue is pandemic, complex, frightening, and heartrending. And it’s not a coincidence. According to The 2009 National School Climate Survey released by the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), LGBT youth were four times more likely than their straight peers to commit suicide. These numbers point to the war that our culture wages on gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or questioning youth.
While what is most recently and rightfully on our minds as a country is the rash of teen suicides fueled by homophobic taunting and relentless bullying, suicide is not the only health disparity LGBT youth face as a result of social stigma. The GLSEN survey, which interviewed 7,261 middle and high school students, also found that nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT students experienced harassment at school in the past year and that nearly two-thirds felt unsafe because of their sexual orientation. A 2008 Canadian study suggested LGBT youth experience higher rates of teen pregnancy and earlier onset of first sexual activity. The study identified trends in risk behaviors that lead to pregnancy like lack of condom use and early sex (before age 14), often due to sexual abuse.
When it comes to STI risk, the CDC estimates that among men who have sex with men (MSM—this phrase is intended to include men who identify as gay or bisexual but also men who consider themselves straight) the rate of new HIV diagnoses among them is more than 44 times that of other men. Rates are especially dire in communities of color. Furthermore, many people don’t even get tested because to do so would mean owning an aspect of their sexuality they may have disavowed as a survival strategy in their day-to-day life. As stated on the CDC fact sheet about HIV among MSM:
Stigma and homophobia may have a profound impact on the lives of MSM, especially their mental and sexual health. Internalized homophobia may impact men’s ability to make healthy choices, including decisions around sex and substance use. Stigma and homophobia may limit the willingness of MSM to access HIV prevention and care, isolate them from family and community support, and create cultural barriers that inhibit integration into social networks.
So what can we do about it? In order to facilitate healthy decision-making and communication, we need to work towards a more accepting culture. The following is a list I assembled with my incredible friend and inspiration Luke. Luke and I are two (mostly) straight people who felt it was time to devise a list of strategies all of us can use to make things better for ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities.
- 1. Start big. Beyond homophobia lives the taboo nature of sexuality in our culture. Make talking about sex a public act—not just from a hypersexual perspective, but from a perspective of love, eroticism, relationships, and health. This doesn’t necessarily mean talking about the act of sex each day, because that too is a strange beast—men talk about sex all day long. We make ads and movies and songs about it. We talk endlessly about having sex and who we’d like to have sex with, but never how we feel about it, and never when we fear it might set us apart from our friends. We need to create forums so that we can start to expose how complex sexuality (and sexual preference) can be. That complexity needn’t divide us.
2. Talk, talk, TALK to your friends (and family). Talk about homophobia and queer identity like you would about politics, like you would about a party. Offer up light speak and honest speak, not heavy confession. We need to take sex, sexuality, and preference out of the closet first and foremost and not be afraid to discuss a stereotypically blush-worthy subject. And if you notice friends or family making homophobic comments, consider calling them on it.
3. Respect privacy. On the other hand, it is perfectly okay to hold sex as a personal area to be respected, a true intimacy. We can do our best to make it clear to the people in our lives that we will respect their autonomy and privacy while also making it clear that we will love them no matter what their orientation or sexual choices.
4. Take the lead from your queer friends. Support the queer people in your life with love and respect. Listen to them. Stand up for them. If there are not a lot of openly queer people in your world, you can also show your support via media advocacy, or by becoming active in queer-friendly organizations.
5. Communicate with young people. Talk (and listen!) to the young people in your life. We need to talk about why calling things “gay” doesn’t make sense. Working in schools for one month will make you realize that middle and high school are very different and scary spaces. We can’t rely on ideas from twenty years ago about what kids say and how they act and “kids will be kids” as a rationalization is getting kids alienated and killed. We need to be strong role models and counsel and support all young people by reinforcing that they and their peers are normal regardless of sexual identity or orientation. A lack of community support for queer youth is driving the epidemic of self-harm and suicide. I don’t believe kids are bad inherently—they learn intolerance and cruelty from adults. Fortunately, change and evolution are possible at every step of our lives. But it’s even easier for young people!
6. Read books, listen to music, and watch films and television made by and about queer people. Learn about LGBT people in your culture and others, today and throughout history. Ask for queer studies programs at your college. Write to television networks about how you would like to see queer representation on your favorite channels. Watch shows in which queer life is made public and normal. Talk about these cultural products and share them.
7. Act politically. Do this as needed. Vote for laws that improve the lives of gay people. Donate to organizations that serve queer youth. Volunteer for organizations that reach out to gay populations with health and community efforts. Tell your friends and family about your efforts and why you want to be an ally.
8. Share this article with a friend, and write your own list of ally strategies to think about.
“Holding hands” photo by originallittlehellraiser.
*****
Katy Otto is a social justice activist, writer and musician who grew up in the DC area. She works in nonprofit management and development.
This post was co-written with Luke Yablonsky. Luke is a musician, graphic designer, and social justice activist in Portland, Oregon.
