Long distance relationships just got a whole lot sexier.
Is this the best combination of sex and technology yet? Durex is working on a line of undergarments (Fundawear—badum-ching!) that vibrate when activated by mobile phone. That’s right, remote-operated vibrating underwear are in development.
They’re not available for purchase yet, but it looks like the Aussies will be the first to give this product a go. (Gives new meaning to the land down under…)
Having that social construct thrown out like it’s fact that women naturally want less sex just makes me want to scream. There’s so much variance among both sexes…It’s so individual. You can’t say men have a higher drive, or women do. All we can say is this: Some people want more sex than other people. It varies widely from person to person regardless of sex.
If you’re a woman with a stronger sex drive than your male partner, this Huffington Post article has an important message for you: you are not alone.
Whether or not you can directly relate, the stories are definitely worth a read. And if the subject hits home for you, check out our Frisky Friday on tips for dealing with mismatched libidos.
Eat dessert first. Go out in a new neighborhood. Have sex in the kitchen. The point is to do the opposite of what you usually do and shake things up.
5 Apps to Spice Up Your (Real or Imaginary) Sex Life
We’ve shared our favorite smartphone tools to help you have a great time between the sheets while preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Next on the agenda, 5 apps to spice up your (real or imaginary) sex life.
This app totally rocks—though we might be a little biased. You can create an anonymous user profile and upload your sauciest and silliest sex stories (like this hilarious one) for others to read. Or you can just browse other users’ stories—from a 48 hour sex marathon to engaging in a little BDSM to “sexy fun” on a lazy Sunday (we made postcards of a few of our favorites). The app also has a BootyMap so you can see what other users in your area are doing in the sack (or in the street or hallway). And of course BootyLog reminds users to prevent unplanned pregnancies by choosing the birth control that’s right for them.
We say: Log it!
Ever admired a Facebook friend (or two, or three) from afar but weren’t sure how to propose a hookup? Bang with Friends aims to solve this frustrating problem. Users indicate which of their Facebook friends they would like to fool around with and if two people say they’re DTF with each other, the app will notify them both. It was designed by a German group, which makes the Google translation of their welcome email quite funny (let’s hope that “Let it rip!” means something else in German…).
One downside of Bang with Friends is that your dream Facebook-friend-with-benefits also has to use the app—and we’re guessing it’s still pretty unlikely that he or she will be a user given the novelty of the app. Another downside based on our experimentation: it seems like the technical kinks haven’t been worked out yet, so sometimes mutual propositions between friends don’t make it to your inbox. How’s that for a cock block?
We say: Meh.
A twist on the classic truth or dare, this app is designed to be played in a group—and while I’m pretty sure that I have a very open-minded group of friends, I doubt that they would be down to play this game without dangerous levels of alcohol in their systems. With dares like, “Strip down to your underwear and get in the shower with the person next to you,” it is understandable that some people would be uncomfortable. It also comes with rather unsexy dares such as, “Wear only a toilet paper diaper for the next 10 minutes” and “Make out with your neighbor’s butt like you are in love.”
But while we’re not totally buying it, the Truth or Dare app could be a fun way to see just how crazy your friends are. Just remember to keep it super-safe (condoms, birth control, and the most important ingredient of all, good communication) if a striptease turns into something more…
We say: Um, save it for a snow day?
Imagine you want to cover yourself in chocolate and have your partner tie you to the bedpost but you don’t know how to bring it up in conversation. “Honey, could you please pass the salt and then lick chocolate syrup off my inner thigh tonight?” might not work, even if you’re really close with your significant other. Kindu hopes to solve this communication problem by giving both parties a list of different, less-than-conventional sexual activities for both to answer ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ or ‘maybe’ to. If a couple disagrees (let’s say she wants to go to an S&M club and he doesn’t), then Kindu hides these answers to avoid embarrassment for either party. If they both answer ‘maybe,’ then Kindu lets them know that they should discuss it later together. And if they answer ‘yes,’ well then there is one more happy couple in the world.
The downside: it costs 99 cents and both partners have to purchase the app. Still a worthy investment in our book.
We say: Anniversary treat?
Much like the Truth or Dare app, this one can be played in groups or as a couple. Group play may easily become awkward (“Three way kiss time” and “Get completely butt naked” are possibilities), while couple play may be a little boring. But hey—it could still be better than the typical kegger.
We say: For when Quarters gets old.
Of course, we think the sexiest way to spice things up is by finding the perfect birth control that works for you and your partner. And if you’re still looking for more ways to heat up your relationship, we’ve got some suggestions in the Frisky Friday archives.
Sex on TV: The In-Depth Analysis of TLC Gypsy Programming You’ve Always Wanted
Some particularly flamboyant bridesmaid dresses.
So I fully admit that I watch (and love) TLC’s Gypsy Sisters. And not in the “Oh—if it’s on, I’ve watched it” way. No. I actively seek it out. And then I go on the internet to find out more. It’s tragic that the short first season is already over, but in the meantime I have season two of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding to look forward to. Yes, it’s a thing.
These gypsies rock a wardrobe I could only dream of pulling off—tube tops, hot pants, sky-high heels and bedazzles for everyone. Despite this sexy look, gypsies say these hot outfits mask some strict conservative morals. For instance, gypsy girls are taught to stay away from boys and remain virgins until marriage.
A sample gem of a quote from the show.
Maybe that’s why they get married SO YOUNG. Like 15 and 16 years old. It’s a norm in their community, but even many gypsy parents say that they wish their daughters would wait until 17 or 18. Unfortunately, it looks like a lot of girls fall in “love” by 15 and threaten to run away with their man unless their parents allow them to marry. (Side note: the guys are always a few years older.)
In Gypsy Sisters, these strict rules for women don’t always work out. At least two of the girls on the show are divorced before age 20 to escape abusive husbands. Family Matriarch Nettie has 9 children, and her teen daughter Dallas has two of her own with an ex-husband and ex-boyfriend. Twenty-three-year-old black sheep Mellie is also divorced and was working as a stripper when she recently found out that she was pregnant. Although she married the father, the show made it look like the marriage lasted barely a week.
These stories demonstrate that restricting girls for the sake of innocence can sometimes have the opposite effect. These gypsy girls are so eager for freedom that they run off with the first boy they find, often experiencing the negative consequences we’ve seen on Gypsy Sisters.
If these shows are any indication, domestic violence is a big issue in the gypsy community. Gypsy girls are taught from a young age to be obedient housewives—that cooking, cleaning, looking good for their husbands, and having babies is their only worth. And since gypsy girls can’t date, they don’t get a chance to learn about healthy relationships or even try spending time with more than one man. In fact, as soon as a gypsy girl starts getting attention from a man, that is almost a guarantee marriage will follow.
In another vein, not ONCE on this show have I ever heard anyone mention birth control or condoms. Instead, when girls find someone they want to have sex with, they marry quickly so they can get down to the deed, and no one talks about the difference between love and lust.
I hope that some of the Gypsy Sisters talk to their daughters behind the scenes about birth control and healthy relationships. I haven’t seen this happen on the show yet, but a lot of these girls could use a dose of reality before diving into marriage and children of their own.
And tell me what you think in the comments!
Kate Meroski is an administrative assistant at The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. She enjoys puppies, French fries, and the seal exhibit at the National Zoo.
College Week, Day 5: Adieu, Adios, Auf Wiedersehen, and Until Next Time!
We’re wrapping up College Week with a reflection piece by Bedsider UMD ambassador Connor Davies. Interested in becoming part of the next generation of campus ambassadors? Email us at email@example.com and introduce yourself!
Fearless ambassador Connor Davies.
Working with Bedsider has been an experience I wouldn’t trade for anything—but that’s not to say that it has been a bump-free road. I know how fantabulous all of Bedsider’s resources are and how much Bedsider can help the people I see every day, so I try to not let it get to me when I am shot down or ignored. However, I recently had one of those elusive experiences where I felt like I made a real difference in someone’s life.
It happened at the Safer Spring Break Games health fair, hosted by the University Health Center. I spent about 6 hours running a solo table shouting over the too-loud DJ until I could barely croak out, “Always leave space at the tip of your condom!!!” A good number of people had stopped by and I was getting ready to pack up when I felt the lightest tap on my shoulder. When I turned around I saw a girl with the biggest deer in the headlights expression looking ready to flee. Moving as slowly and non-threateningly as possible, I asked if I could help her.
And then the floodgates opened. She was a freshman who had been raised in an exceedingly conservative Indian family and sheltered from any sex education, so she only knew horror stories about birth control. But despite it all she was considering having sex for the first time and had no idea where to start.
I dropped my stack of Bedsider’s racy coasters and whisked her off to a less public location. I whipped out my iPad and for about half an hour went through a full Bedsider walk-through. First we dispelled the major birth control myths:
- Yes, she can get pregnant even if it’s her first time;
- No, the pill will not affect her fertility in the future;
- Yes, there are way more methods out there than just the pill;
- Yes, a woman who has not given birth can still get an IUD.
Next we went on to where to find it, how much it costs, and which methods would best suit her needs. We talked about why she was making this decision, how she knew she was ready for sex, and if she had talked about things with her boyfriend.
In the end she left with a Bedsider catalog, the notes we wrote up, and about a metric ton of stress lifted off her shoulders. I packed up the final bit of my Bedsider supplies, and as I ran off to take my midterm she stayed on my mind. I can’t be sure how or whether she used the information I gave her, but knowing that she began close to tears and left smiling is enough for me.
-Connor Davies, Bedsider Ambassador UMD
Comprehensive Safer Sex 3: Take it to the next level
As part of STD Awareness Month, Jenelle Marie of The STD Project is contributing a three-part series to our tumblr (along with an article for Bedsider.org) sharing her experiences with STIs and her suggestions for how to have the safest sex possible. This is the final post of the series.
Always bring a raincoat even if you’re not expecting rain. Image source: George Eastman House
When thinking about a comprehensive safer-sex regimen, it helps to keep in mind things that are not considered part of safer-sex too, because it’s really easy to get overwhelmed or a bit confused when you’re trying to be as responsible with your sexual health as possible.
Although sex comes with some hefty implications for your health and emotional well-being, it doesn’t have to be all business and no play. In fact, adding humor to your safer-sex plan can make those steps seem less cumbersome. When you can laugh about the things that seem a bit awkward, you lighten the mood and open the opportunity to explore and learn together.
This shouldn’t be a deal breaker for a partner. In fact, it should be very sexy to them that you’re conscientious and careful. If it’s not, you should ask yourself if this is the right person for you. Someone who cares about their body and their health is also more apt to care about you, your body, and your health. Do you really want to get intimate with someone who doesn’t place safer sex on their list of priorities?
At the end of the day, you and your partner have to decide which risks you’re willing to accept, and how you’re most comfortable negotiating them together. Whether it’s for a long-term relationship or just for a night, it should be the responsibility of both partners to talk about safer sex and prepare to be sexually healthy in the bedroom.
If you’re already living with an STI…
We talk about STIs in depth on The STD Project and provide a lot of the basic information you can find on sexual health websites alongside the grey areas most people are afraid to talk about—how to live with and have healthy relationships with an STI, when to tell someone you have an STI, how to tell someone you have an STI, and more.
Whether you’re living with an STI or doing your best to educate yourself about how to avoid them, a comprehensive safer-sex approach is the sexiest and safest way to be sexually healthy.