Sex on TV: 4 Sex Scandal Songs Inspired by Justin Bieber
Remember that time when a random girl accused Justin Bieber of fathering her child after she took his virginity backstage at one of his concerts? I know, after what seemed like months, the story finally dropped off the news cycle and I forgot about it for a few minutes, too. But then Bieber went on ex-Housewife of New York Bethenny Frankel’s new daytime talk show and dug it up again. Why now? Because the pop superstar just released a new album and one of his new songs, “Maria” (his accuser’s name was Mariah) responds to the scandal through scathing, falsetto-sung lyrics. What begins with actual audio clips of news reports and interviews with the star during the height of the drama turns into a repetitive diddy that’s going to have pre-teen girls across the world singing along to the lyrics, “That ain’t my baby, that ain’t my girl,” incessantly. At least we’ll get a breather from Call Me Maybe.
In keeping with my feelings—and what I assume was the majority of America’s feelings—at the time the story initially broke, I still couldn’t care less. But then I started thinking about a world where all celebrities embroiled in a sex scandal preached their innocence through the medium of song. Whether or not they were actually guilty won’t matter when their track hits number one on iTunes and in the hearts of teens everywhere. Allow me to lead the charge with four sex scandals songs I think could make excellent chart-toppers:
1) Anthony Weiner: Instead of coming up with anything fresh and new (I mean he did put so little effort into his scandal in the first place; he couldn’t even be bothered to leave his congressional office before he snapped the shots of his namesake), Weiner would just release The Lonely Island ft. Justin Timberlake song “Dick in a Box”—but instead, change the lyrics to “Dick in Your Inbox.”
2) Paris Hilton: Everyone knows Paris Hilton is Bruce Springsteen’s biggest fan. I’d look forward to the music video that would accompany her song “****ing In The Dark”, complete with humans and Chihuahuas donning night vision goggles and a 2-minute interlude of silence while Paris checks herself out in the mirror. That’s hot.
3) Arnold Schwarzenegger: The man fathered a child with his housekeeper. Coupled with his body building background, there is no possible way he wouldn’t borrow a tune from Jock Jams. I’m thinking Technotronic “Pump Up The Jam.“ Something like, “She don’t need, a place to stay, she’ll be mopping up the floor tonight,” and then subbing out the lyrics “Make my day” with “I’ll be back.” Too soon?
4) Hugh Grant: Back in 1995 Hugh Grant was arrested for soliciting sex from Divine Brown after they were caught as she was performing oral sex on him in his car. I’d imagine he would go back and forth, trying to choose the right lyrics to spin the dalliance into a PR opportunity, only to shrug his British shoulders in defeat, sigh “Oh, bollocks,” and wind up recording a cover of Donna Summer’s “She Works Hard For the Money.”
Have any better songs for these scandals? Other scandals that should inspire songs of their own? Comments, please!
“Justin Bieber” image by Adam Sundana.
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Lauren Mann works in The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy’s Entertainment Media department. She’s been blogging about sex, love and relationships among twenty-somethings since she first joined the Campaign as an intern in 2009. Check out her personal blog at whatjewtalkingbout.tumblr.com.
Sex on TV: 10 Reasons I Can’t Put Down 50 Shades of Grey (the Worst Book Series of All Time)
It may not be officially on television quite yet, but I think it’s safe to say that 50 Shades of Grey is enough of a pop culture phenomenon to warrant some discussion here. Plus, the folks at Saturday Night Live are onto it, so that’s gotta’ count for something, right?
For those who recently purchased property underneath a boulder in a remote field or quarry, 50 Shades of Grey is a fictional novel, selling out in bookstores across the country. Apparently it was nearly impossible to even order a copy online for a while, illustrating exactly how hot this commodity was. And trust me, it’s hot. As illustrated in SNL’s satirical commercial, the demographic of Grey’s consumer is married women over 30. Having heard whispers about the book, my decision to scour the city for a copy mostly came after my own mother suggested I read it. Never one to let my mom be ahead of the curve when it comes to what’s trendy, it is physically impossible to fathom my mortification as I began reading and envisioned my mother reading as well.
In what started out as Twilight fan fiction, Grey describes the relationship between Anastasia Steele, a virginal recent college grad, and Christian Grey, the uber powerful, strikingly gorgeous, and insanely wealthy CEO of Grey Enterprises. He’s looking for a submissive sexual partner to tie up and flog, while she’s so naïve, she has to google anal beads. Naturally, they wind up copulating like bunnies, dabble in some BDSM, and realize there may be more to their relationship than a Master spanking his Sub. Look at me working the lingo.
So, upon completion of the first book, I hereby present to you The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, when it comes to 50 Shades of Grey. In full disclosure, I found a surprising amount of ‘Good’ for a book that erred light on story line and heavy on thrusting.
The Good:
1. Not that I’m big into supermarket romance novels with the “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” man on the cover, but I’m familiar enough with the formula to appreciate Grey’s lack of cheesy romance jargon. There was not a single throbbing member or heaving bosom mentioned. +1 point. (Not so fast, though—see The Bad for further commentary…)
2. Anastasia’s rationale for being a virgin: it just hasn’t happened yet. Love the idea of waiting for the right person and not feeling pressured. How quickly the cookie crumbles when a Greek Adonis enters the picture—but I’ll give Anastasia a +.5 point for the first couple years of self-control.
3. THE ARRAY OF BIRTH CONTROL! As one of the highest-powered businessmen in the entire country, Christian Grey knows he’s not ready for a baby. That’s why he requires ALL of his submissives to make sure they’re on a method of birth control that’s right for them. Even if it means calling in his private gynecologist on a Sunday. We’re talking discussion of pills, types of pills, accuracy in taking pills, the whole shebang. And, SPOILER ALERT, book two sees some Depo Provera action. That’s right, the shot, mentioned by name. +1000 points. And until her method of choice becomes active…
4. CONDOM USE! Honestly, aside from “earth shattering orgasm”, there is no string of words used more often in the entire book than “foil packet.” Christian admits he’s not a fan of condoms, yet he refuses to have sex with Anastasia without one. Another +1000 points to Team Steele-Grey.
The Bad:
5. So, there may not be any throbbing members, but Grey doesn’t escape completely unscathed in the category of semantics. First, Christian expresses his intentions toward Anastasia by announcing he’s going to “take her now.” Really? If author E.L. James wanted to get all old-timey on us, I would have at least gone for a double entendre, like “plundering her booty.” I get that the human nether region is awkward to talk about without sounding clinical or crude, but there’s no excuse for calling one’s vagina a “sex.” I also realize that Webster’s Dictionary names genitalia as the fourth definition of the word, but seriously? -10 points. I would have preferred “va-ja-jay.” (Ps—His package? Usually referred to as his “arousal,”which is, ironically, also the name of Paris Hilton’s new fragrance. Just kidding. I think.)
6. The entire story takes place in like 2 weeks. I realize that the real-time time frame worked well for 24, but I can assure you that Anastasia Steele is no Jack Bauer. Arguably, her ability to have mind-blowing orgasms every time she has sex—often 5 or 6 times a day—is a pretty bad ass skill, but I wouldn’t defer to her on issues of homeland security. There’s no way that much could happen in 2 weeks. When does she sleep? Pop her zits for 20 minutes in the bathroom? WHEN DOES SHE CATCH UP ON GIRLS? -50 points.
7. Uh, how about that lack of plot? -100 points.
The Ugly:
8. Well there’s definitely no ugly when it comes to the two main characters. Or, any character, now that I think about it. Every character description is of a fabulously attractive and fit individual. Christian, Anastasia, her best friend Kate, the guys who lust after them, even Christian’s security detail. Maybe I need to keep reading further into book three to be introduced to Anastasia’s childhood best friend Lauren, who may sport a bit of a muffin top and have mild acne flare ups once a month, but also gets to experience some wild, multiple-orgasm trysts. Isn’t the point of fan fiction to be able to identify with a character???? -infinity points. Seriously, though.
9. About those orgasms. Anastasia comes. Every.Single.Time. Even her first time. Sometimes multiple times. No matter what. And they seem like pretty damn intense orgasms. But my favorite part? She usually achieves orgasm whenever Christian simply says her name. Oh, okay.-100 points for lack of realism, plus another -100 points for my jealousy.
10. And lastly, THERE’S NO PLOT. -100 points.
Strangely enough, if you tally up all the points, you actually get pi. It must be part of the magic 50 Shades of Grey weaves on its reader. Regardless of the good, the bad or the ugly, I’m clearly addicted. I just wish that was the only embarrassing thing I have in common with every middle-aged woman in America.
“Something for the kiddies, something for mom” image by Todd Mecklem.
*****
Lauren Mann works in The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy’s Entertainment Media department. She’s been blogging about sex, love and relationships among twenty-somethings since she first joined the Campaign as an intern in 2009. Check out her personal blog at whatjewtalkingbout.tumblr.com.
Girls (with new wave hairdos…)
STIs, virginity, confusing hookups, and a visit to the lady doctor, all in one episode? Lauren’s not the only one who’s excited about the debut of Girls. But with all the conversation the show has already sparked, does anyone else out there have this song on repeat in their heads? Not that we’re complaining…
We give the show props for realistically representing how young women use—and don’t use—birth control. But we won’t lie and say we’re not fantasizing about an episode where the characters discover the wonderful world of long-acting reversible contraception. (Fingers crossed!)
Sex On TV: Girls Gets It
HBO’s new show Girls: where even to begin. After watching the pilot and then Sunday night’s second episode with my roommate, my biggest regret is not having taken notes. The blog fodder was literally bombarding me, kamikaze style, and I don’t even know how to tackle this bad boy. But, taking a hint from the legendary Julie Andrews, I guess I’ll start at the very beginning.
Girls, birthed by writer/director Lena Dunham and reared by Judd Apatow, seeks to fill the television void of shows with realistic depictions of twenty-somethings. You know, that awkward time when you realize the career goal you’ve dreamed of since your childhood and focused your college education on is actually the last thing in life you should be doing, you’re not really making any money but working your ass off, you take turns with your friends to coordinate quarter-life crises and breakdowns, and your skin decides to retaliate for four years of mistreatment by reverting back to middle school acne. No resentment in this blogger’s writing voice at all…
Needless to say, I was pretty pumped at the idea of the show and couldn’t wait to put my judgey-pants on and watch the pilot. As a child of the Sex and the City/Gossip Girl/The Hills era, I cannot begin to express the disappointment I experienced when I realized my twenties were more likely going to resemble an episode of PBS News Hour than SATC. Therefore, watching the show, there were a few things I was refreshed by: for starters, Lena Dunham’s character Hannah. She’s awkward, unsure of herself professionally, strapped for cash, and shaped like a real woman. Not Hollywood’s version of a “real woman,” a.k.a. a perfectly coiffed size 4 with curves in all the right places. Instead, she’s frequently unkempt and sporting some curves in some of the wrong places, too. Love it. Hannah is stranded in the no-man’s-land of casually hooking up with a guy she met at a party—and even though he’s rude to her at times, they only hang out if they’re having sex, and her friends don’t like him, Hannah keeps going back to him. Degrading and embarrassing? Yup. But a realistic relationship status for many twenty-somethings? Unfortunately, yes again.
Clearly this show was going to be fair game for a blog post—I decided within the first 10 minutes—so you could only imagine the decibel level of my squeal when the girls started talking unplanned pregnancy, STDs, condoms, etc. To quote one of my favorite SNL characters, this show has EVERYTHING. An attempt to have a frank discussion about using condoms that actually sounds as awkward as they usually go down? Check. A scene inside a women’s clinic that looks more like a spa than a shameful version of a Jiffy Lube waiting room? Check. On-screen STD test? Check. They even have a 23-year-old virgin who hasn’t dedicated her life to religion! So she may use words like “totes,” cite Rent as her authoritative source on HIV/AIDS, and get her love advice from a book called Hey Ladies Bible, but her rationale behind waiting is simply that it hasn’t happened yet.
Girls has come under fire for a number of reasons, and I’m not going to deny that it has its flaws. However, what it does well, it does very well. Sex, dating, hooking up, and birth control can all be incredibly awkward and uncomfortable, but they’re all part, possibly a prevalent part, of a twenty-something’s life. Accurately portraying how all that good stuff REALLY goes down is a point in my book. But what really stole my heart? Watching Hannah struggle to tuck her shirt into her hiked up skirt, wearing ugly gray tights. That may or may not have happened in my own bedroom this morning…
Image from HBO.
*****
Lauren Mann works in The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy’s Entertainment Media department. She’s been blogging about sex, love and relationships among twenty-somethings since she first joined the Campaign as an intern in 2009. Check out her personal blog at whatjewtalkingbout.tumblr.com.
Sex on TV: Undercover Lovers
As long as I’ve been watching TV (basically since I was in utero), the nerd always eventually landed the girl of his dreams. Taking it on back to the days of The O.C., we had Seth, a comic book geek with a Jew-fro and a passion for two things: the band Rooney and Summer Roberts. Summer, mastering all three necessary ‘p’s—pretty, popular, and pint-sized—saw Seth as an untouchable in the caste system where she was God. And what happens? She gives in to her forbidden crush and starts hooking up with Seth in secret. She’s too mortified to admit to anyone that they’re together, and he’s too enthralled to be getting some from his dream girl on the reg to say otherwise. That is, until their relationship is discovered—and they end up realizing they’re perfect for one another, regardless of social order.
But let’s be honest here, show of hands, who here would kick Adam Brody out of their bed? Take Hollywood’s version of “the underdog” both on the big and small screens—eg. Penn Badgley on Gossip Girl, Zack Gilford on Friday Night Lights, Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 500 Days of Summer, and Jesse Eisenberg in every movie he’s ever been in. I wouldn’t hide my relationship with any of them. Still, the storyline rings vaguely familiar to most of us: an unexplained attraction to someone outside your candidate bubble. A bubble dictated by a social circle or self-declared type, in which leaving said bubble will result in excommunication, social suicide, internal bleeding, and probably death. In all actuality, a departure from the norm would probably only warrant the raising of an eyebrow or two, but the consequences seem so much more serious in the moment. So you’re faced with two options: shun your rising desire, publically bash the object of your lust just to cover yourself, and drown your closeted feelings in films featuring the above storylines that will only cut deeper into your tormented soul. Or, start hooking up on the down low.
So there I am watching New Girl—specifically Schmidt and CeeCee, who are sleeping together but keeping it secret by sneaking around (check out the clip above to see for yourself). After all, she has a reputation to maintain and he uses hair chutney. We feigned surprise over their coupling (but she’s a model! And he has driving moccasins!), but in the end, we can’t really be too grossed out. How often does the underdog get the hot girl? Uh, try every time. It’s a basic Hollywood formula: (circle one in each category) Mathlete/Video Gamer/Undisclosed Social Reject But Very Quiet Guy + Hot/Popular/Talented/Charitable Girl + Prom/Impending College Departure/Big Football Game/High School Cafeteria at lunch = Underdog Will Somehow Get The Girl And We’ll Fall Asleep Dreaming Of Our Very Own Loser To Publically Declare His Love And Live Happily-Ever-Through-The-Credits. Schmidt and CeeCee will probably follow in the same vein, demolishing their societal differences like the Berlin Wall, announcing to viewers that their love can survive in the open, even if he calls his car a Manbulance.
But I’ll put it out there: I’m Lauren and I’ve crushed on a guy outside my “social caste” (in full disclosure, I’d say I fall somewhere between local backyard wrestling champion and ‘Elite’ Yelp reviewer). And instead of quelling my desire in fear of social retaliation, I started hooking up with him in secret. Few of my friends knew and I preferred it that way. I won’t lie, feeling socially superior to him was part of the attraction. But the majority, much like CeeCee feels towards Schmidt, was general attraction, even if I couldn’t explain it, excellent chemistry, and the fact that his nonsense made me laugh. Except Hollywood never addresses the fine print: sometimes there are very real consequences to spending your days with the blinds down, playing video games. Sometimes a social outcast is an outcast for a reason: because they’re socially awkward. Sometimes they’re too busy to sweep you off your feet in front of your entire school at prom because there’s a Magic: The Gathering convention the same weekend. So did I feel bad about keeping him on the down low? Yeah, I did. But did I feel a lot better when HE dumped ME for a girl he met in a MMPORPG chat room? You bet your ass I did.
*****
Lauren Mann works in The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy’s Entertainment Media department. She’s been blogging about sex, love and relationships among twenty-somethings since she first joined the Campaign as an intern in 2009. Check out her personal blog at whatjewtalkingbout.tumblr.com.
Sex on TV: 5 Reasons I’m Not Sorry I Missed Spring Break
Turning the reins over to Roxanne again. Honestly, her post got WAY more acclaim than all of mine put together either way, so… you’re welcome.
*****
I was first introduced to what “spring break” really meant in elementary school when I used to sneakily watch MTV when my parents weren’t around. While I don’t remember the exact year I first came across MTV’s Spring Break, I can safely assume it looked something like this…
Unlike many of my friends, I have never done the “typical” spring break. This past spring break I had friends in Cancun, Cabo, Barbados, Puerto Plata, and Miami. Usually I would spend my spring break visiting friends at other schools or relaxing at home. Of course all of these schools are in the Northeast, so I was always really jealous of my friends’ tans when it was time to get back to class. Other than the weather, I can’t say I ever felt like I was missing much. So if, like me, you skipped the crazy and wild spring break experience this year, here are a few reasons not to be too broken hearted over it:
Reason 1: Alcohol + heat = a mess. Most college kids are drawn to the above-mentioned locations because of the alcohol. Resorts are all inclusive and have open bars. For those who haven’t reached the coveted age of 21, many of these locations serve alcohol to anyone over 18. Not surprisingly, all this alcohol is bound to get a lot of people drunk. The drinking happens all day long, probably outdoors, probably in extreme heat. Instead of hydrating with water, students drink (more) alcohol. I don’t know about all of you, but being on a beach with a ton of really, really drunk people—probably watching someone throw up on the beach or next to the pool at one point or another—sounds pretty awful… especially if that person is one of my friends and I have to take care of them.
Reason 2: Mystery hook-ups. This can happen anywhere, but on spring break it’s even easier for people to omit information—or even lie—about their sexual history. Both you and your “partner” know that this is a one-time thing and you will probably never see each other again. In the few moments you actually spend talking to this person, you’re unlikely to feel super-comfortable asking about STIs and birth control (can’t say I blame you, it’s a mood killer). But because you know so little about the person, it’s even more important to make sure you are making smart decisions. You don’t want to leave your spring break with an unwanted parting gift like an STI or a pregnancy.
Reason 3: Body shots. Due to the constant lack of clothing, body shots are popular at spring break, but it seems pretty gross to me. Why would I want to take a shot off a stranger’s body or vice versa?
Reason 4: You’re stuck. If you’re going away for spring break, when you get there you can’t leave until your plane ticket says so. So if your dream spring break trip turns into a disaster—say you made a fool of yourself by drunkenly dancing on the bar and undressing—you can’t just take a cab home to get away. Since you basically see the same people every day, you will be noticed throughout the rest of the trip.
Reason 5: You’re spending a lot of money for what’s basically just a college party. A major motive to go on spring break is simply having a bunch of horny, college-aged people in one place. (And yes, the bathing suits are definitely a bonus.) Students go because they feel they have an endless supply of new potential hook-ups for an entire week. Sorry to break the news to people, but you can get this experience just about anywhere and for a lot cheaper. Spring break trips can range in price, but it is definitely going to cost at least a few hundred dollars.
These reasons are good enough for me to limit my “spring break” experience to television, but I know a lot of people disagree. It’s not the idea of spring break that bothers me—it’s students’ attitudes towards it. They openly acknowledge that this is the time to use bad judgment and make dumb mistakes. Do you really want to end up like these people? Seriously… what were they thinking?
“MTV Spring Break 2010” image by mattworkman.
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Lauren Mann works in The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy’s Entertainment Media department. She’s been blogging about sex, love and relationships among twenty-somethings since she first joined the Campaign as an intern in 2009. Check out her personal blog at whatjewtalkingbout.tumblr.com.
Sex on TV: Gross Anatomy?
This week in “Sex on TV,” I’ve decided to cut back on the prose and flex the ol’ Illustrator muscles instead. Think of it as a little breather, like when you’d be reading chapter books and there would be those 4-6 glossy pages of pictures right in the middle, illustrating what’s been happening in the first half of the book and letting you know that you’re exactly halfway through. So, you’re all welcome for the reprieve.
In deciding which small screen show to focus on for this project, I chatted with a coworker about Grey’s Anatomy, which we’re both unembarrassed to admit we still watch (though I’ll admit I treat it like an elderly distant relative who I figure doesn’t have much time left, anyway). Nonetheless, our loyalty to the weekly drama led us to draft a relationship diagram, allowing us to visualize just how much overlap and interconnectivity there is on that show in terms of sex. It’s by far one of the grossest visuals I’ve ever seen, which is impressive, given that it consists of nothing more controversial or lewd than names and lines.
But so rarely has the show acknowledged the incest-y tendencies of the couplings. I’ve never been one to judge a person—on-screen or in real life—based on the number of sexual partners they’ve had. But I can’t help but think back to that day in health class when the teacher told us that having sex with one person also means you’re having sex with anyone else they’ve slept with. Initially confused at the notion of pluralistic relationships, it began to make sense when my teacher explained how STIs are transmitted. The folks on Grey’s Anatomy, however, seem to completely ignore their sex-ed experience. True, during the first season, both George and Alex sleep with Olivia, unaware of the other, and they all end up with syphilis. Though I assume everyone self-medicated with the necessary antibiotics (they are in a hospital, after all), never again did anything bacterial or viral go…well, viral. Which should be pretty surprising, considering how convoluted the chart turned out:
*Please note, I’m new to the entire Adobe Design Creative Suite and this seemingly simple chart actually took me roughly 3 months to make.
Check out Alex and George in the middle of it all. Looks like Seattle Grace should collectively take a moment to give thanks for penicillin.
*****
Lauren Mann works in The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy’s Entertainment Media department. She’s been blogging about sex, love and relationships among twenty-somethings since she first joined the Campaign as an intern in 2009. Check out her personal blog at whatjewtalkingbout.tumblr.com.
Sex on TV Breaking News: Snooki is Pregnant?
With a title I thought I’d only ever write satirically, American media is abuzz with a rumor substantiated by a “reliable source” that Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is pregnant. Though she went on record just a few weeks ago denying that she has a bun in the oven (or that she knows what an oven is, probably), word on the street is that she had been shopping around her big news to several tabloids to see who would provide her the most cash for her big reveal. It probably helps that a Jersey Shore spinoff with fellow cast mate Jenni “J-WOWW” Farley has begun shooting and will likely benefit from some scandalous publicity.
I could waste your time with pages of passionate prose detailing why Snooki is not ready for a baby (and should probably refrain from procreating in the future, as well) but that would be as productive as copying phone book entries into Excel (a task that I can attest from personal experience is beyond counterproductive). If you know who Snooki is, you know she shouldn’t be having children. Not yet, at least, but—let’s be honest—probably not ever.
So how about some video evidence? Exhibit A: Snooki crashes her car into an Italian police officer in Florence. Not enough? Exhibit B: Snooki flashes an entire club while “dancing.” And most recently? Just a few weeks ago, Snooki literally urinated in the middle of the dance floor. I don’t even want to imagine what her bladder control will be like if she really is pregnant.
Snooki and I are the same age. I know I’m not ready for a baby and I have a pristine driving record, keep my privates private, and, I’m proud to say, am house broken. With her hard partying ways, inappropriate behavior and complete lack of common sense, Snooki is the epitome of fantastic reality television. Ready for motherhood, though? Absolutely not.
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Lauren Mann works in The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy’s Entertainment Media department. She’s been blogging about sex, love and relationships among twenty-somethings since she first joined the Campaign as an intern in 2009. Check out her personal blog at whatjewtalkingbout.tumblr.com.
Sex on TV: Premature Engagement
A note from Lauren: Please excuse my absence this week, but trust in the fact that I’ve left the “Sex on TV” duties to a guest blogger who will not let you down. Plus, like I learned from television, the younger and cuter girl is always more desirable. So I present to you the musings of our intern, Roxanne, who still has the positive and ambitious attitude of a college student. The cynicism will come soon and fast, my dear.
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Although I graduated from college this past December, I won’t feel like it’s official until I walk the stage and receive my “diploma” (we all know they just hand you a blank piece of paper). As graduation day approaches, I notice myself getting anxious about my future and I think rightfully so. I have absolutely no idea where I am going to be or what I will be doing in June. Every time I think about my future I feel my stomach churning.
Recently during an episode of Glee, Finn struggled with decisions about his future. He is lost, just as most high school seniors are, but the difference between him and most other students is that he decides love is his number one priority. So he proposes to his girlfriend, Rachel. And for Rachel, growing increasingly nervous about her own future as she watches her friends get accepted to college and make plans while she’s still in limbo, she decides to accept Finn’s proposal. Is this really the way to get control over your life?
It seems like we’ve moved away from the cliché “after prom sex episode” (since now most programs are showing characters having sex throughout high school, not waiting for prom night) and instead towards the life-changing marriage proposal. My first memory of this prolific moment comes from Boy Meets World. Does anyone else remember watching Topanga propose to Corey while the rest of their classmates throw their caps in the air to celebrate their high school graduation? We all know how it ends… they decide not to get married right away and end up getting married during college (I know… so much more realistic).
We then move onto one of my favorite shows, Gilmore Girls. As Rory is about to graduate from Yale, Logan (her boyfriend of a couple of years) decides to pop the question. After some deliberation, Rory says no to Logan because, let’s be honest, there is a lot she wants to do before tying the knot. And really, who can blame her?
Even in comedies like That ’70s Show, the teenagers turn to proposals. When Eric is worried about his future with Donna at the end of high school he jumps to proposing. Even though his friends tell him it’s a bad idea, he does it anyway. And guess what… the wedding doesn’t happen. Obviously TV has to make things over the top and dramatic, but does it always have to be this all or nothing nonsense?
Now, before you say I don’t know what I am talking about because I have never been in a serious relationship and when you are in love age doesn’t make a difference, you should all know I have been with same person for almost 5 years. I can also tell you that as I try to figure out my life after graduation, I am not considering marriage. I am 22-years-old and not ready to get married, but that doesn’t mean I want to break-up with my boyfriend or that he isn’t a factor in my decisions. Obviously I can’t speak for him entirely (hope things don’t get awkward when he reads this), but I’m pretty sure we are on the same page.
So what’s wrong with me? According to TV, I should be picking out china patterns and planning my first kid by now. Apparently once a couple has had sex, the next step is marriage. Look at Finn and Rachel—they had sex earlier this season and now we have a proposal. But before they walk down the aisle, they should probably keep in mind that teen marriages are twice as likely to fail as marriages in which the woman is at least 25-years-old.
I’m not saying that teenagers and young adults should give up on love, but it’s important to remember that a relationship, or sex for that matter, doesn’t define you. Who knows if the Finn/Rachel wedding will actually happen, but it’s wrong that just because the two feel lost they made such a drastic decision. An engagement at 18 doesn’t make life less scary or complicated. You need to know who you are before making that type of commitment.
“Engagement ring” image by Tela Chhe.
*****
Lauren Mann works in The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy’s Entertainment Media department. She’s been blogging about sex, love and relationships among twenty-somethings since she first joined the Campaign as an intern in 2009. Check out her personal blog at whatjewtalkingbout.tumblr.com.
