"Yes. I’m 30 and I’m still waiting."
Me and Veronica when I interviewed her for this piece.
Since I started vlogging I have interviewed many, many 20-somethings about relationships, birth control, and sex—including some of my best friends. This year a few of my besties turned the big 3-0, so in my latest vlog, I asked them how their lives have changed since their 20s. Now, if you’ve been watching my vlogs from the beginning, you may recognize my girl Veronica. And you would know that as a Christian, Veronica is waiting till marriage to have sex. Which means she’s a long-term user of the “not right now" "method of birth control.
I love talking to Veronica about her experiences in dating because she’s always so honest about the complexities of her choice. Here are three points on this subject Veronica shared with me during our last interview.
1. “There are more virgins around than you think.”
From watching movies like 40-year-old Virgin and American Pie, you’d get the feeling that the only reason someone would stay a virgin is due to lack of opportunity. But as Veronica’s best friend I can tell you that is NOT her reason. Nor, as we both discovered recently, was it the reason for one of our favorite twins, Tamera Mowry, to wait. In a recent interview Tamara reveals, “I’m religious, so I waited until I was 29 to lose my virginity… then I felt guilty, then I became celibate until I got married.” Are you shocked?! Veronica wasn’t:
2. “I still expect my wedding night to be the bomb!”
One question I’ve always asked Veronica is how she’ll know her husband will be able to satisfy her if she marries him before they have sex. Because lets face it, sexual compatibility is sometimes an issue. Veronica always has the same answer:
3. “Other birth control methods will be in my future.”
Currently Veronica is very much in love and marriage seems to be in her near future. So I wasn’t surprised to hear that she’s now thinking about her birth control options:
As the “birth control expert” in my group of friends, when Veronica asks, I will direct her to the same place I go for BC info…Bedsider!
Are you waiting to marriage? Ever dated someone who was? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments!
Veralyn Williams is a Multimedia Freelance Journalist currently working in New York City. She has spent 4 years at WNYC Radio working with various departments including: Radio Rookies, Culture, News, and Freakonomics. She also freelances for Black Enterprise, BronxNet Television, Bedsider, and The Museum for African Art. Her independent work is featured on her website VeralynMedia.com. Through all of her endeavors she aims to give a voice to perspectives that are often forgotten in the media.
Turning 30: Scary, awesome, or no big deal?
Man Power: Can Guys Prevent Pregnancy and STIs?
Can guys prevent pregnancy and STIs? We certainly think so—and not just by wearing condoms, though that’s an incredibly important piece of the puzzle. Guys can also protect themselves and their partners by talking about STI testing and condoms, getting tested for STIs, and supporting their partners’ use of birth control.
Sadly, it seems there’s lots of room for improvement when it comes to dudes taking charge of that part of their lives. New research from the Guttmacher Institute found that 3 out of 4 births to single men were unintended, and more than 1 in 10 single men only found out they were fathers after their child was born. (Um, surprise?)
But back to condoms…
In an article for The New York Times yesterday, writer Pam Belluck noted that even though male condoms are a relatively cheap and effective way to prevent both pregnancy and STIs, around the world only 5% of men wear them. The article (which you should definitely read if for no other reason than the interview with condom-pin-donning superstar Bidia Deperthes) discusses the need to innovate condom technology, but also the importance of making sure men have access to the full range of condoms that are already on the market. Different strokes for different folks definitely applies to condoms and there are already many sizes, shapes, textures, and materials to choose from, but that doesn’t mean everyone gets a chance to try out a variety of options to find out what they like best.
Where do other types of birth control fit in?
Research shows that women use their birth control better with their partner’s support—we take that to mean that a man’s responsibility for prevention goes beyond condoms. We created a Guy’s Guide to Birth Control in the hopes that it would help men to better understand all the magic tools that let you have sex without making babies. Guy has covered pregnancy, the pill, and emergency contraception so far, and there are more methods in the works (including condoms). One man-step at a time, we say.
"You’re makin’ sweet, sweet love and there’s no babies to show for it. Poof—it’s like magic…"
(And from now until June 17th we’re running a Guy’s-Guide-inspired sweepstakes to win a box of Sir Richard’s condoms! C’mon, you know you want some…)
Traveling folk—has wanderlust ever affected your love life?
Do you know everything you need to know about STDs? …Are you sure?